‎(东方快车)
‎四年前,尼克和奥黛丽斯皮茨 Four years ago, Nick and Audrey Spitz
‎侦破本世纪倍受关注的几起谋杀疑案 solved some of the most high-profile murders of the century.
‎天啊! Oh my God! Oh my God!
‎-要拔出来吗? ‎-不行,这刀有30公分 - Should we pull it out? - No, it's a foot-long knife.
‎-我插回去 - I'll put it back in.
‎-不要 - Don't put it back.
‎遵循一炮而红的惯例 Like many overnight success stories,
‎尼克和奥黛丽立刻辞掉工作 Nick and Audrey immediately quit their jobs
‎他们投入毕生积蓄 and poured their life savings
‎想在私家侦探界闯出一片天 into pursuing a career as private investigators.
‎-对 ‎-失陪一下 - Yeah. - Would you excuse me?
‎好,没问题 Mm. Yes, not a problem.
‎你是有多爱吃洋芋片? Are you kidding me right now with those potato chips?
‎你敢讲我?我看你嗑掉两份鲜虾盅 Are you seriously yelling at me? I watched you eat two shrimp cocktails.
‎别再干扰我了,好吗? Stop distracting me. Okay?
‎不幸的是,转职过程并不顺利 Unfortunately, it's not going very well.
‎男人到了某个年纪...这跟你没有关系 Men get to a certain stage in their life. It's nothing to do with you.
‎有些男人不会 Not all men.
‎-对,可是... ‎-别拿我出气 - No, but-- - Don't get mad at me for this.
‎罗恩,听说你在偷吃 You've been cheating on me, Ron.
‎不会吧?我们结婚25年了 - Really? After 25 years?
‎宝贝 Baby...
‎我最近一个人出门 ‎是要安排结婚纪念日的惊喜 I've been going out on my own so I could plan a surprise wedding anniversary.
‎-好贴心喔 ‎-这... - No, that's so sweet! - That's...
‎-别这样，我爱你‎-对不起 - Come on. I love you. - I'm so sorry.
‎不好意思,插个话 Excuse us, you guys.
‎麻烦付一下帐单 If you don't mind just paying this bill,
‎我们就不打扰你们亲热了 we'll be out of your lovebuggin' hair.
‎-帐单?你们要她付钱? ‎-不行 - A bill? You're billing her? - Yeah, no.
‎-我们说好了... We made a deal--
‎-是你勾引我 You were hitting on me!
‎-我是在卧底 ‎-假装勾引你 - I was undercover. -Pretend--
‎越来越扯了 This keeps getting better and better.
‎生意每况愈下 With business struggling, Nick and Audrey
‎尼克和奥黛丽只能祈求天降奇蹟... could only pray for a miracle...
‎快跑 You better run!
‎...希望身边有人 ...that someone close to them
被做掉 would be killed.
‎《夺命鸳殃 2》
‎天啊 Oh God!
‎老公 Honey, honey, honey. Hey!
‎不能放海浪或悦耳的声音吗? Can't you put on beach waves or something nice?
‎听鲸鱼的声音,我比较好睡 The whale noises help me fall asleep.
‎-你没收了我的安眠药 ‎-你知道为什么吗? - You took away my Ambien, so... - You know why?
‎记得你上次吃完怎么样吗? Remember the last time you took Ambien?
‎你梦游走到大厅 You went sleepwalking into the lobby
‎穿着我的内裤,在沙发上浇水 wearing my underwear, and then you started watering the couch.
‎我不记得那件事 I don't remember doing that.
‎你看,门房拍了照片 ‎我拿来当荧幕保护程式 Look. Doorman took a picture. It's my screen saver.
‎-那是别人 ‎-好吧 - Uh, that's somebody else. - Okay.
‎听我说 宝贝 如果你睡不着 Listen, baby, if you can't sleep, um,
‎我们可以 we could try to, uh,
‎一起看完一章 knock out a chapter together.
‎我看了几页 I read a few pages.
‎那个人根本在乱讲 That guy doesn't know what he's talking about.
‎老公,考题是这个人出的 Honey, this is the guy that wrote the test.
‎你要考过才能取得执照 The test you need to take to get licensed.
‎我当过警察 I was a real cop.
‎不需要一张纸来证明我的能力 I don't need some piece of paper telling me I know what I'm doing.
‎我知道我在干嘛 I know what I'm doing!
‎但我们都认同 But we both agreed that it would help our business
‎这套课程对生意有帮助 if we just, you know, took the course.
‎你真的觉得生意不好是这个原因? Do you really think our business is struggling because of that?
‎我们都有执照 ‎应该会有比较好的客户上门 I think we would get better clientele if both of us were licensed.
‎懂得行销,才会有好的客户 Only way to get better clientele is better marketing.
‎懂得行销?例如你的牙线名片? Better marketing? Like your floss business cards?
‎-对 ‎-不会吧?天啊 - Yes. - Seriously? God!
‎这叫颠覆性行销 It's called "disruptive marketing."
‎这没有颠覆,人家会搞混 ‎我们不是牙医,我们... It's not disruptive. It's confusing. We're not dentists. We're--
‎我可以讲得比睡眠机大声 I can talk louder than the sound machine.
‎老公,不要这样 - Honey, come on!
‎好啦,算了 Fine. Forget it.
‎你不想当侦探了吗? Do you not wanna do this anymore?
‎我想,我想当侦探 I do. I wanna do this. It's just...
‎只是,我们都只聊工作 It's all we ever do is talk about work.
‎有一起工作又相处愉快的夫妻吗? Do you know any couples who also work together that actually get along?
‎怪奇比莉和菲尼亚斯 Billie Eilish and Finneas.
‎他们是兄妹 They're brother and sister.
‎宝贝,我知道 ‎这跟我们当初想的不一样 Look, baby, I know this isn't what we pictured when we got into this--
‎(王公)
‎那是什么声音? What the hell is that?
‎是我的手机 Uh, it's my phone.
‎王公,有礼了,什么事?老兄 Yo! Rajah! Namaste. What's up, my brother?
‎尼克兄,在干嘛? [Maharajah] Yo! What are you doing, Nicky Nick?
‎你在割草吗?那是什么声音? Are you mowing your lawn or something? What do I hear right now?
‎我在骑水上摩托车啦,老哥! Yo, I'm chillin' on a Jet Ski, dog! [laughs]
‎一边骑水上摩托车,一边讲电话? On a Jet Ski and on the phone at the same time?
‎尼克,哥儿们,我的好兄弟 [Maharajah] Yo, Nick. Broski. My brosephus.
‎王公要结婚了! The Maharajah is getting married!
‎太棒了 Oh, that's incredible!
‎我跟奥黛丽讲‎奥黛丽! Let me tell Audrey. Audrey!
他要结婚了 He's getting married.
‎-什么? ‎-对 - What? - Oh yeah.
‎维克!‎恭喜,我们很替你高兴 Vik! Congratulations! We're so happy for you!
‎谢谢!她是巴黎的大美女 Thank you! She's a dime piece from Paris.
‎就是有艾菲尔铁塔的鬼地方 You know, where the Eiffel Tower is and shit.
‎周末我要在新买的私人岛屿结婚 I'm getting married this weekend on my new private island.
‎你和尼克都要来,钱都我出 I want you and Nick to come, all expenses paid.
‎我要看你们两位贵宾 ‎在舞池手淫足蹈! I need to see you two ballers out on the dance floor busting a nut!
‎是“手舞足蹈” "Busting a move," you mean.
‎不是,老兄,我有... Nah, dude, I got...
妈的! Oh shit!
‎怎么了? - What's happening?
‎你有听到钱都他出吗? Did you hear "all-expenses-paid"?
‎-我们周末要工作 ‎-我真的需要去度个假 - We have to work this weekend. - I gotta say, I could use a getaway.
‎老公,记得上次度假发生什么事吗? Remember what happened last time we went on a getaway?
‎记得,有些人死了 Yeah, some people died.
‎不是有些人,是很多人 Not s-- A lot of people.
‎死五个人算很多? You think five people dying's a lot?
‎好,等一下,我想一下 All right. Hold on. Just gonna think for a second.
‎-她要让步了 ‎-好,所以... - She's caving in. - Okay, so...
‎-她要让步了 ‎-等一下 - She's caving in. - Just wait.
‎好,说吧 No. Go ahead.
‎好,我同意 Okay, I do agree.
‎我们应该可以休息一下 I think we could both use a little bit of a break.
‎-休息? ‎-远离这些 - A break? - From all this.
‎-只是放松一分钟 ‎-不... - Just no work for a minute, you know? - Not--
‎不对,至少放松一个周末 - It's-- - No. For at least a weekend.
‎一整个周末,我们不能... The whole weekend. We can... Let's not... Let's just...
‎我们...我们的大脑需要休息一下 Our minds need the no work.
‎-别聊这件事 ‎-我起鸡皮疙瘩了 - I can't talk-- - I got chills! Goosebumps!
‎因为我们要去度假吧? 'Cause we're gonna do this, aren't we?
‎-真好... ‎-好决定 - Wow. How about that. Mm-hmm. - Such a good decision.
‎喜欢这个风景吗,屎渍夫妇? You like the view, Mr. and Mrs. Shitz?
‎不好意思,抱歉,是... Oh. You know what? Excuse me. I'm so sorry. It's...
‎我们是尼克和奥黛丽斯皮茨,是... We're Nick and Audrey Spitz. It's, um...
‎不过,对,风景非常漂亮 But, yes, it's a gorgeous view.
‎想听音乐吗,屎渍夫妇? Would you like some music, Mr. and Mrs. Shitz?
‎是斯皮茨,不是屎渍,好吗? We're the Spitzes not the Shitzes. Okay?
‎对,有嘻哈斗牛梗和泰勒屎渍 Yes, I have some Pitbull or, uh, Taylor Shitz.
‎好,他很坚持屎渍 - Okay. He's sticking with the Shitz.
‎什么都要加屎渍 - Puts "Shitz" at the end of everything.
‎你是哪里人? Where are you from?
‎我是来自... I'm, uh, from the, uh...
‎欧洲 European!
‎应该是“瑞屎”吧 We're guessing Shitzerland?
♪ Ooh, girl, don't you stop Tell your mom, girl ♪
♪ And I won't stop it Until you're mine, girl ♪
♪ And you can't stop that Until you're mine, girl ♪
♪ And I can't find out what you want ♪
♪ Tell your mom, girl, and I won't stop it Until you're mine, girl ♪
♪ And you can't stop that Until you're mine, girl, ha ♪
♪ Ooh, girl, don't you stop... ♪
‎我要下去了,天啊,谢谢 Let me get off this. What the heck? Thank you!
‎不可思议,我要哭了 This is unbelievable! I'm gonna cry!
‎-我们死了吗?这是天堂吗?搞什... ‎-好棒 - Did we die? Are we in heaven? What the-- - This is so nice!
‎红鹳穿了尿布,屎才不会拉在草坪上 The flamingos got diapers on so they don't crap the lawn!
‎尼克和奥黛丽! [Vik shouting] Nick and Audrey!
‎哥儿们!王公! - Hey! My man! - Hey, hey, hey!
‎科莫湖的英雄! - Maharajah! - The heroes of Lake Como!
‎我的姊姊和我的哥哥 ‎另一个妈妈生的 And my sister and my brother from another mother!
‎-喝醉酒的妈妈 ‎-天啊 - [continues exclaiming] - Oh my God!
‎我的天啊! - Hey! Oh my God!
看看你 - Look at you! - Oh!
‎尼克和奥黛丽,容我介绍 ‎克劳黛乔贝特小姐 Nick and Audrey, may I present to you Mademoiselle Claudette Joubert.
‎珠贝 Joubert.
‎我是奥黛丽,很高兴认识你 I'm Audrey. It is such a pleasure to meet you.
‎你比维克拉姆形容的还美 You are more beautiful than Vikram described.
‎有意思,没有遗漏 - That's funny. Got 'em all. - Oh!
‎四次?我以为是两次 Four? I thought it was two.
‎还有尼克 And Nick.
‎-我一直很想见你 ‎-好 - I've been wanting to meet you. - All right!
‎恭喜 Congratulations.
‎谢谢‎非常感谢,对,我喜欢 Thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah. I love it.
‎-好了!停下来! ‎-怎么了? - Okay! All right, stop! - What happened?
‎可以了,别亲了 Cut it out!
‎请过来 Please, come.
‎我得告诉你们,巴黎是我最爱的城市 I have to tell you, Paris is my favorite city in the world.
‎你上次去是什么时候? - When was the last time you were there?
‎其实我没去过 - Hmm. Oh, I've actually not been there.
‎我是从电影和照片上看到... But I just know from the movies and from the pictures and--
‎谢谢邀请我们来婚礼 ‎有我们的位子,真是太好了 Hey, thanks for the wedding invite. So happy you could squeeze us in.
‎-当然了 ‎-不可思议 - No, for sure, man! - Unbelievable!
‎多了两个位子,我爸妈死了 We had extra seats 'cause my parents died.
‎真是遗憾 - Ooh! I'm-- - Oh! I'm so sorry.
‎真糟糕 That's terrible.
‎开玩笑的啦 No! I'm just kidding!
‎原来如此,所以他们会来? Oh, okay. So, they're coming?
‎不会,他们死了 ‎但他们本来就不会来 Uh, no, they died, but they were never gonna come.
‎因为我讨厌他们 'Cause I hated them.
‎-好吧,这... ‎-好 - There you go. All right. That's-- - Okay.
‎上校,你认识斯皮茨夫妇 Oh. Colonel, you know the Spitzes.
‎-什么? ‎-上校! - What? - Colonel!
‎我的朋友 My friends!
‎-天啊 ‎-天啊!你的手臂怎么了? - My God! - Oh my God. What happened to your arm?
‎有那么明显吗? Is it that noticeable?
‎上次见面,你的手臂比较长一点 Last time we saw you, you had a lot more of... of your arm.
‎如果一定要失去一只手臂 ‎就是这只了 Well, if I had to lose one, that would be the one to lose
‎这只已经没有手了 because it's already missing a hand.
‎去电影院也不必跟人共用椅子扶手 You don't have to share the armrest now at the movie theater.
‎对 - Yo, yo, yo.
‎但老实说 But real talk.
‎上校在孟买帮我挡掉一颗子弹 The Colonel stopped a bullet meant for me in Mumbai.
‎-真的吗? ‎-有人要对你开枪? - You kidding? - Somebody tried to shoot you?
‎对,有人不喜欢我公司的经营方式 Yeah. Some people don't like the way my company does business.
‎可惜的是,上校受了伤‎不能全力保护我 Sadly, the Colonel's injury stops him from protecting me to the fullest,
‎我要请一个新的头号保镳 so I had to get me a new head bodyguard.
路易先生 Mr. Louis!
‎-你们看 ‎-你好,路易 - Check it out, right? - Hello, Louis!
‎这个老兄可以双手开攻 And, yo, my man is fully armed.
‎双手开攻,很好笑 He's fully armed. That's funny!
‎好,希望里面没有违禁品 Okay. I hope you don't find anything in there.
‎希望没有 - I hope not!
‎我不想这么说 I hate to say it.
‎如果你跟上校打架,我赌上校赢 If you and the Colonel are ever caught in a fight, my money's on the Colonel.
‎他会用那只手臂把你打到屁滚尿流 He'd open a can of whoop ass with his, uh... with his good arm.
‎不喜欢这个玩笑?只是闹你的 No? You didn't like that one? I was joking around.
‎-幸会 ‎-走吧 - Nice to meet you. - Let's go.
‎跟我来 Follow me.
‎来了 Coming. Coming.
‎很好听 Sounds great!
‎你们应该没参加过印度婚礼 I'm assuming you've never been to an Indian wedding before.
‎你怎么会这么想? - Why would you assume that?
‎-所以你们去过?‎-没有 - Oh, so you have? Uh, no.
‎今晚是音乐派对,类似彩排的晚宴 So tonight is the Sangeet. It's like a rehearsal dinner.
‎我们安排了一个 ‎很有戏剧效果的惊喜登场 And then we have, um, a very dramatic surprise entrance plan
‎你们应该会觉得很好玩 that I think you'll find quite entertaining.
‎我要接电话,别墅里应有尽有 - I need to take this.
‎就当自己的家 Your villa should have everything you need. Make yourselves at home.
‎-我们... ‎-再见,好好享受 - And we-- - Bye! Enjoy!
‎-再见,谢谢 ‎-不亲了,好 - Bye. Thank you. - No more kisses. Cool.
‎我是在芳登广场的手表店认识她的 She was working in a watch shop off La Place Vendome when I met her.
‎当时她一文不名 Not a penny to her name.
‎我是一见钟情,懂吗? Love at first sight, you know what I mean?
‎她让我充满... She just fills me with like...
‎-幸福感 ‎-真好 - With happiness. - That's nice.
‎你们对望的时候 I see that same happiness in you two
也有那种幸福感 when you look at each other.
‎你们很幸福吧? You guys are happy, right?
‎-我们?你在说笑吗? ‎-没有她... - Us? Are you kidding? - Without her, I would not be happy.
‎我不会幸福 ‎有了她,我是最幸福的人 - With her, I'm the happiest. - Not a day goes by where I just wanna go...
‎我每天都想大喊...我超爱你 I love you so much.
‎家里大小事都她决定,我没意见 She makes every decision for us, and I'm fine with that.
‎-进去享受吧 ‎-谢谢你 - Now get in there and have fun, all right? - Thank you so much.
‎玩得开心 - Enjoy yourself. - Okay. Oh, so we...
‎好,我们...兄弟,再见 - Okay. Bye, buddy!
‎路易,走吧 - Louis, let's go.
‎我的天啊 Oh my God!
‎他妈的,太豪华了 I mean, goddamn.
太豪华了！ Goddamn!
‎你看这个 Look at this! Oh my God!
‎天啊‎你看看,这个景色 - Look at this! This! - Wow!
‎宝贝,电视超大的 - Babe, the TV's gigantic!
‎天啊 - Oh my God.
‎看看这玩意儿 - Look at this thing!
‎什么? What?!
‎有敞篷屋顶,宝贝! We got a convertible, baby!
‎把这个吃下去 Put this... in your face.
‎是独角兽起司吗? Is this unicorn cheese?
‎天啊,宝贝,有礼盒 - Oh my God. Baby, a gift box. - Okay.
‎我再吃一块起司就好 I'm gonna go with one more piece of cheese, then I'm done with this.
‎什么?这是给我们的? - What? Are these for us? - Earrings?
‎耳环?是上等货吧? - Oh! - These are good ones, aren't they?
‎不敢相信 I cannot believe this!
‎-一人一支苹果手机 ‎-不会吧 - We get our own iPhones! - No way!
‎-我们结婚送什么? ‎-人字拖 - What did we give out at our wedding? - Oh, flip-flops!
‎人字拖,还有止痛药之类的? Flip-flops, and we gave out Advil or some shit?
‎-复古飞人乔丹鞋?我的尺寸? - Vintage Air Jordans? - This is insane!
‎-好夸张 My size?
‎王公的礼盒一定要有一点变态的东西 Wouldn't be a gift box from the Maharajah if it didn't have something kinky in it.
‎-你惨了 ‎-别让我失望 - Those are gonna get you in trouble. - You promise?
‎这个反应我喜欢,好 - Oh! I like that response. Okay. - Hey!
‎-什么? ‎-好 - What? - Okay.
‎等一下,我们才刚...这才刚发生 Wait. We just... This has just happened.
‎-怎么这么快? ‎-太厉害了 - How'd they do that so fast? - It's incredible.
‎老公,上面写尼克和奥黛丽 Honey! It says "Nick and Audrey"!
‎天啊,快到床上来! - Oh my God! You gotta come in this bed!
‎我来了,宝贝 - I'm coming, baby!
‎我来了... - Oh! - I'm coming! I'm coming! Hey!
‎天啊! Oh my God!
‎宝贝 Ow! Baby!
‎-天啊 ‎-怎么了? - Oh gosh. - All right. What?
‎不知道我有没有把衣服准备好 I don't know if I packed appropriately for this event.
‎-我要确认一下 ‎-我跟你去 - I gotta check. - I'm coming with!- I gotta check.
‎走吧 - I'm coming with! Let's go!
‎-天啊 ‎-好,很好 - Oh my God! - Okay, that's good.
‎这是你的衣服,对 That's your stuff. Yeah.
‎你有看到吗? Do you see this?
我没看过... - I've never seen anything-- - All right.
‎宝贝,你看起来好帅 - Baby, you look so handsome. - I...
‎-我... ‎-你竟然撑得起来 I can't believe you pulled that off.
‎-我要把那个脱掉 ‎-走吧 - Well, I'm gonna pull that off. - Let's go.
‎拜托,这件留下来 Please tell me you're gonna keep that.
‎天啊 Oh my God!
‎-嗨 ‎-你好吗? - Hi! - Hey, how are ya?
‎奥黛丽 Audrey!
‎-上校 ‎-嗨 - Ah, Colonel! - Hey.
‎太美了 - Stunning! - Thank you!
‎好帅啊 Oh, how handsome are you, man?
‎尼克,我对你情有“独”钟 I only have eye for you, Nick.
‎继续保持,很好 Oh! You better keep it that way! All right!
‎在最美的地方,最美的夜晚 In a most beautiful place on a most beautiful night,
‎你绝对是全世界最美的女人 you have to be the most beautiful thing of all.
‎好,每根手指都要亲 Whoa. Okay. Definitely kissing every single finger I have.
‎我跟一万多个女人做过爱 I have made love to more than 10,000 women.
‎-没有一个比你迷人 ‎-好 - [Audrey murmurs] - None as ravishing as you.
‎说到惊人的数字 Okay. Well, speaking of staggering numbers,
‎这是跟我结婚16年的先生 this is my husband of 16 years.
‎我跟一个女人做过爱 I've made love to one woman.
‎而且表现得很差 - And I did it terribly, by the way. - All right.
‎天啊,你是那个 ‎法兰西斯科佩雷斯,对吧? Holy sh-- This is... You're that guy, Francisco Perez, yeah?
‎这家伙以前是足球选手 This guy used to be a soccer player.
‎有次用头撞人,把人撞昏了 He headbutted some dude one time and put him into a coma.
‎对,我知道,我撞太用力 ‎他不能再眨眼了 Yeah. I know. I hit him so hard, he lost his ability to blink.
‎好吧,很高兴认识你,我们... Anyway, it was so nice to meet you. So, we're go--
‎兄弟,你怎么会认识王公? What about you? How do you know the Maharajah?
‎我退役之后 Well, after I retired from football,
‎他爸找我去他的公司帅维克 his father made me the chairman of the board of directors
‎当董事会主席 of Shiz-Vik, his company.
‎还有,我帮他追到漂亮的新娘 ‎那个金发美女 Also, I helped him land that beautiful bride of his, the blonde.
‎虽然她比不上这一个,天啊 Although she has nothing on this one. My God.
‎-好 ‎-天啊,好 - Okay. - Okay.
‎待会见 I'll see you in a second.
‎1万美元,你可以跟她睡一晚 $10,000, you can have one night with her.
‎开玩笑的,死变态 I'm kidding, you sick bastard.
‎好大一盘 That's quite the plate.
‎你们国家没有东西吃吗? Do they not have food where you come from?
‎不是...我只是... ‎我老公每次都拿我的东西吃 No, you know, I just... I'm so used to my husband just eating off my plate,
‎已经变成习惯了 so it's sort of become a habit.
‎你说得对,我不需要这个 But, no, you're absolutely right. I don't need this.
‎不要!‎不要放回去 No, no, no! Don't put it back.
‎我没有要放回去 - I was not gonna do that.
‎美国人 Americans.
‎要试试吗? Would you care for one?
‎不用,谢谢,改天吧 Oh, I'm so good. Thank you. Maybe another time.
‎-所以... -谢谢。 - So, um... - Thank you.
你是新娘的亲友吗? Are you on the bride's side?
‎不是,我是赛拉,新郎的妹妹 No, I'm Saira, groom's sister.
‎我不知道维克有妹妹 I did not know Vik had a sister.
‎对啊 Yeah.
‎这些桌子很矮 - These are very low tables! -
‎你在看书 ‎是不喜欢这样的婚礼,还是... Are you reading 'cause you don't like weddings like this, or...
‎不是,应该是说我不喜欢人 No, you know, it's more that I don't like people.
‎尤其是这群人 I mean, these people in particular.
‎只要克劳黛和你哥开心 ‎其他都不重要 I guess as long as Claudette and your brother have fun,
‎对,我不懂怎么会有人想结婚 that's all that matters.
‎花那么多时间 ‎ Right. I don't really understand how anyone gets married.
跟一个人在一起,你能想像吗? Spending so much time with one person. Can you imagine?
‎说到我的那一个人 Well, speaking of my one person,
‎他就在这里 there he is.
‎尼克,这是赛拉 Nick, this is Saira.
‎她是维克的妹妹 This is Vik's sister.
‎-你要不要... ‎-不要 - Would you... - No.
‎-不要吗? ‎-她不要 - You good? - She's good.
‎-我是尼克,幸会 ‎-我是赛拉 - I am Nick. Nice to meet you. - Saira.
‎对了,我很爱你哥 Love your brother, by the way.
- 他超好玩的 -是的 - He's hysterical. - Right.
‎天啊 Oh boy.
‎好,如果你是想勾引我,这真的没用 Okay, if you're trying to seduce me, it's really not working.
‎天啊 Oh my God.
‎尼克,我刚刚想到你漂亮的老婆 Hey, Nick. I was just thinking about your lovely wife.
‎又来了 Oh, you again.
‎看来你们见过法兰西斯科了 I see you've already met Francisco.
‎看来你们认识维克拉姆的泼妇妹妹 And I guess you're both acquainted with Vikram's harpy of a sister.
‎-他说剖腹吗? ‎-泼妇 - Did he say "herpe"? - Harpy.
‎女伯爵,看到克劳黛真的嫁给王公 Countess! How humiliating it must be for you to see Claudette
‎你肯定脸上无光 actually close a deal with the Maharajah.
‎有没有想过你可能做错了什么? Ever wonder what you might have done wrong, dear?
‎有没有想过,长得够高 ‎能坐云霄飞车是什么感觉? Ever wonder what it feels like to be tall enough to ride a rollercoaster?
‎那是女伯爵塞寇 That's Countess Sekou.
‎维克的前未婚妻 She's Vik's ex-fiancee,
‎也是克劳黛的大学室友 and she's Claudette's old university roommate.
‎他们还是朋友?对了,她很没有礼貌 And they're still friends? She's quite rude, by the way.
‎不仅如此,她还是克劳黛的伴娘 Well, on top of all that, she's also Claudette's maid of honor.
‎-什么? ‎-希望各位都看了教学影片 - What? - Yeah.
‎因为舞会即将开始 [man over PA] Hope you watched the video because the dancing is about to begin!
‎-什么舞会? ‎-我要尿遁了 - What dancing? - I'm gonna fake going to the bathroom.
‎-我不跳舞,你去跳 ‎-我没拿到影片 - I don't dance. You dance. - I didn't get a video. Did you?
‎他们送去房间,我忘了告诉你 They brought one to the room.
‎-谢了 ‎-爱你 - I forgot to tell you. - Thanks.
‎各位先生女士,请跟我一起欢迎 Ladies and gentlemen, please help me welcome
‎新娘 the bride!
‎跟我们来! You get 'em! Come with us!
‎好,来吧! All right, come on!
‎跳起来,宝贝 - Come on, baby!
‎时间到了 And now it's time!
‎大家引颈期盼的时刻 The moment you've all been waiting for.
‎新郎‎维克拉姆戈文丹! The groom, Vikram Govindan!
‎太壮观了 This is crazy!
‎哥! Brother!
‎叫大家退后! Back! Get everybody back! Get everybody back!
‎退后 Stay back!
‎维克! Vik!
‎好 - Okay, all right.
‎他死了吗? Is he dead?
‎不是他,不是维克 It's not him. It's not Vik.
‎谢天谢地,只是卢先生 Oh, thank God! It's only Mr. Lou.
‎-谁干的? ‎-维克在哪里? - Who did this to you? - Where is Vik? Hey!
‎是谁?什么?我的天啊 Who? What? Oh my gosh!
‎维克在哪里? Where is Vik?
‎-是谁干的? ‎-谁?你记得吗? - Who did this to you? - Who was it? Do you remember?
‎是... It was...
‎快说,不要死 Say it. Say it. Don't die. Don't die!
‎-天啊 ‎-维克在哪里? - Oh my gosh! - Where is Vik?
‎-让开 ‎-维克在哪里? [guard 1] Clear! Clear! Come on!
‎-快一点!快一点! ‎-让开! - Come on! Come on! Come on! Go! - Clear!
‎这是声东击西 - This is a distraction.
‎要做什么? - From what?
‎逃跑 From the escape!
‎开什么玩笑? - Are you serious?
‎什么叫通讯系统都坏了? What do you mean all communication systems are down?
‎快点修复! Get them up and running!
‎有个保安人员受伤,需要立刻就医 We have a security officer compromised. We need medical attention immediately.
‎好 Okay.
‎救命! Help!
‎不要...这样很痛,小子! Yo, you hatin’ hard on me right now, son!
‎-兄弟! ‎-尼克! - Homeboy! - Nick!
‎尼克! Nick!
‎这实在烂透了! This is some janky-ass shit!
‎封锁小岛 Lock down the island
‎直到监视器恢复运作 until the security cameras are back online.
‎客人都要待在自己的房间 All guests are to remain in their rooms.
‎天啊,要赶紧处理,否则股票会暴跌 Oh my God. We need to get ahead of this, or our shares will plummet.
‎我哥哥可能死了 My brother could be dead
你只担心股价? and the only thing you're concerned about are share prices?
‎消息传开后 ‎你觉得投资人会有什么反应? How do you think our investors will react when news of this gets out,
‎少数族群股东小姐? you little Miss Minority Shareholder?
‎把她所有的钱 ‎拿去拯救鲸鱼,治愈地球 Giving all her money to save the whales and heal the planet
‎一堆狗屁 and all that nonsense.
‎上校‎维克在哪里? Colonel. Where is Vik?
‎我的先生在哪里? Where is my husband?
‎我们会找到他的 We will find him. We will find him.
‎王公被绑架了 The Maharajah's been kidnapped.
‎-什么? ‎-天啊 - What? - Oh my God!
‎-他被带去哪里? ‎-他还活着 - Where did they take him? - He's alive.
‎有人拿机关枪 ‎把他丢到船上,然后开走 Somebody with a machine gun threw him on a boat, and they took off.
‎-有几个绑匪? ‎-一个 - How many kidnappers? - One.
‎也就是说,他的同伙还在岛上 Which means his partner is still here on the island.
‎等等,你怎么知道有两个人? Hold on. How do you know there were two?
‎如果绑匪抓住维克 ‎要把他带去船上... If the kidnapper had Vik and was taking him to the boat...
‎就有人负责把大象带进帐篷 Ah, someone else was leading the elephant into the tent.
‎-谢谢 ‎-岛上有四百个人 - Thank you. - There are 400 people on this island.
‎嫌犯太多了 That's a lot of suspects.
‎我们把范围缩小,好吗,上校? Let us narrow it down for you, okay, Colonel?
‎克劳黛 ‎有几个人知道仪式会有大象? Claudette, how many people knew about the elephant being part of the ceremony?
‎只有董事知道 Just the board.
‎对,我们得签名同意支付大象的运费 Yeah, we had to sign off at the expense of transporting an elephant.
‎所以就是你们所有人 So that means all of you.
‎这话是什么意思? What are you implying?
‎我的意思应该非常清楚 I think it's very obvious what I'm implying.
‎你们其中一个人是共犯 - Mm-hmm. - One of you is an accomplice to a murder.
‎-太扯了 ‎-我不是董事 - That is ridiculous! - I'm not on the board!
‎是吗?‎你们都恨我哥 Is it? You all hated my brother!
‎什么?没有,我爱维克 What? No, I... I love Vik.
‎拜托 Oh, please!
‎你从没原谅我 - You've never forgiven me. - For what?
‎-原谅什么? ‎-害你们解除婚约 - Breaking up your engagement.
‎别自以为是了 - Oh, get over yourself.
‎那是我们双方家长的媒妁之言 It was an arranged marriage between our families.
‎我们和平分手 We amicably split
‎是为了促成你们所谓的“因爱结合” in order to allow for your so-called "love marriage."
‎你不希望我们完婚,所以绑架他! You didn't want this marriage to go through so you kidnapped him!
‎-你这个拜金... ‎ You gold-digging--
-两位小姐,住手!‎大家冷静下来 - Ladies, stop it! - Calm down, everybody!
‎-我们靠这个维生,这是我们的工作 ‎-我们的专长 - We do this for a living. It's what we do. - It's our thing.
‎-这不是一般的案子 ‎-不是 - And this is not just another case. - No.
‎-我们有私交 ‎-对,这是维克 - This is personal. - Yeah, it's Vik.
‎-他对我们很重要 ‎-我们会查出是谁干的 - He means a lot to us. - So we'll find out who did this.
‎-没错 ‎-也会查出动机 ‎对 - A hundred percent. - And find out why they did this.
‎我们会把维克救回来 And we're gonna get Vik back, okay?
‎我们的价码非常低廉 ‎只要2500万美元 We're gonna do this for the low, low price of $25 million.
‎2500万美元,老公,拜托 Twenty-five mil, honey. I swear to God.
‎-1万美元我就愿意了 ‎-开这个价钱?真扯 I would've settled for ten grand. So insane.
‎你在做什么? What are you doing?
‎把门挡住,才不会有人进来 I'm blocking the door so no one can get in.
‎老公,你会伤到背 Honey, you're gonna hurt your back.
‎你知道怎样会伤到我的背吗? ‎拿刀捅过去 You know what would hurt my back? A knife going through it.
‎凶手知道我们在盯着 The killer knows we're on to him.
‎下一个目标绝对是我们 We're on the next-to-kill list. I guarantee it.
‎-维克怎么了? ‎ What happened to Vik?
-绑架有钱人就是为了钱 A guy that rich gets kidnapped for the money.
‎伤害他没有好处 There's no profit in hurting him.
‎天啊,不会有人再邀请我们去哪里了 Oh God. We're not gonna be invited anywhere ever again. Ever again.
‎这起司征服了我,我停不下来 The cheese has a hold on me, honey. I can't stop.
‎你直接...切一片来吃,像个文明人 Are you just... Will you take a slice like a civilized person?
‎-我不知道刀子在哪里 ‎-天啊 I don't know where the knife is.
‎干嘛?头痛吗? - Oh Jesus! - What? You got a headache?
‎-对 ‎-真抱歉 - Yes! - I'm sorry.
‎-你的背还好吗? ‎-痛死了 - How's your back? - My back's killing me.
‎-我去拿止痛药 ‎-拜托 - I'll get Advil. - Please. Please.
‎-我再多吃点起司 ‎-老公,别吃那么多起司 - I'm gonna get more cheese in me. - Honey, do not eat all that cheese.
‎那会影响...你整晚会很痛苦 That affects... You're terrible all night.
‎没错 - Absolutely. - Oh.
‎我在帐篷拍了照片 ‎有件烧焦的长袍,上面有血迹 And I have pictures from the tent of a burned robe with bloodstains.
‎有人想销毁证据 Someone was trying to get rid of the evidence,
‎我很确定是大象训练师 and I'm sure it was the elephant handler.
‎观察入微,老婆 Good detecting, sweetheart.
‎-我尽力而为,来 ‎-好,谢谢 - I'm doing my best. Here. - Okay. Thank you.
‎-一、二、三、四 ‎-好 - One, two, three, four. - Okay.
‎我要把这些搬走? I gotta move this stuff now?
‎万一是凶手呢? What if that's the killer?
‎-凶手不会敲门 ‎-如果是客房服务呢? - Killers don't knock. - What if it's housekeeping?
‎没关系,我们不需要毛巾 We... We're good! We don't need any towels.
‎不对!我们需要毛巾,请放在门口 No! No! We do need towels. Leave 'em out front, please!
‎才来十分钟,你需要更多毛巾? We've been here ten minutes. You need more towels?
‎你洗澡要用30条毛巾 You use 30 towels after every shower.
‎抱歉,至少我会洗澡 I'm sorry. At least I shower.
‎好吧,算你赢 All right, you got me there.
‎是我!法兰西斯科 It's me, Francisco!
‎法兰西斯科? Francisco?
‎等等,如果他是凶手呢? Wait, wait, wait. What if he's the killer?
‎他只对一个东西有兴趣,就是你下面 The only thing he wants to murder is your hm-hm!
‎-快点,没时间了 ‎-马上来,法兰西斯科 - Hurry! There's no time! - Be right there!
‎-我们来了 ‎-我们知道你赶时间 - We're hurrying! - We know!
‎真抱歉 So sorry.
‎你 - You. - Mm-hmm.
‎美女 Gorgeous.
‎老天啊,好吧 Jesus Christ. All right.
‎搬回去,好 ‎你叫我们快点 Put this back. You said hurry.
有什么事? What's... How can we help?
‎-我有消息 ‎-好 - I have information. - Yes.
‎大家都觉得克劳黛是拜金女 Everyone thinks Claudette is this gold digger,
‎但没有几个人知道,为了防患未然 but what's not so well known is the fact that, as a precaution,
‎董事会逼她签了苛刻的婚前协议 the board made her sign a brutal prenup.
‎所以如果维克跟她离婚‎她一毛钱都没有 So that means if Vik divorces her, she's left with nothin'.
‎要再搬一次? ‎等等,是谁? - I gotta move this shit again? - Wait. Wait. Who is it?
‎我是克劳黛,你们要听我说 It's Claudette. You must hear what I have to say.
‎好,等一下! Okay, one second.
‎你躲进衣橱 Let's get you in the closet.
‎好,马上来,我要吃点起司 Okay, be right there. I gotta get some cheese.
‎好,进去吧 - Okay. Just go in there.
‎不要!放开...要命 No! Get off of... Jesus!
‎-来了,克劳黛 ‎-抱歉,等一下 - Coming, Claudette! - Sorry! One second.
‎快点 Hurry!
‎-你好,克劳黛 ‎-嗨 - Hello, Claudette. - Hi.
‎大家都觉得我嫁给维克是为了钱 They all think I'm marrying Vik
‎尤其是女伯爵 just for the money, especially the Countess.
‎我们刚认识她就嫉妒我 She's been jealous of me ever since we met.
‎-真的?我可以想像 ‎-我能想像 - Really? I can imagine why. - I can imagine.
‎但她仍然是我最好的朋友 But still, she was my best friend.
‎-对 ‎-是啊 - Right. - Sure.
‎-你知道吗? ‎-对 - You know? - Yeah.
‎我们原本很亲近 - We were so close. - Oh!
‎我偶尔会想她 And I think I just miss her sometimes.
‎真遗憾 - Oh, sorry.
‎我只是想知道是谁绑架了我的维克 - I just wanna know who kidnapped my Vik. - Mm-hmm.
‎他们都能从中得到好处 They all have something to gain from this.
‎-真糟糕 ‎-我不能相信他们任何一个 - Terrible. - I can't trust any of them!
‎-有枪 ‎-枪? - There's a gun. - A gun?
‎孟买事件后,上校被降职,心里不爽 The Colonel, so bitter about his demotion.
‎赛拉老是想引人注意 Saira, always starved for attention.
‎维克不久前发现了 And Vik had just discovered
‎法兰西斯科不可告人的秘密 Francisco's dark secret.
‎-什么? ‎-他有秘密? - What? - He had a secret?
‎-要命 ‎-天啊 - Oh! - Oh God.
‎-没必要这样吧 ‎-这很不赖... - We don't need to do that. - That's cool.
‎是谁? Who is it?
‎我是赛拉,让我进去 It's Saira. Let me in.
‎好,等一下 Uh, okay. One second.
‎-我要躲起来,衣橱 ‎-不行 - I need to hide. The closet! - No, no, no!
‎-别躲那里,太暗了 ‎-这边 - It's too dark. - Here. Come on.
‎-她放了一堆东西 ‎-等一下,赛拉 - She has all her stuff. - One second, Saira!
‎来了!马上来! Coming! Be right there!
‎好,马上开门 Okay, gotta get to you!
‎-抱歉,等一下 ‎-搬东西很好玩 - So sorry. One second. - Moving around some stuff for fun!
‎-我知道你们要去查谁 ‎-谁? - I know who you need to be looking at. - Who?
‎-克劳黛 ‎-克劳黛 - Claudette! - Claudette?
‎一看到她,我就跟维克说她不是好人 I told Vik she was bad news the minute I met her.
‎她很可疑、自恋、善于操弄 She's suspicious, narcissistic, manipulative,
‎那件红衣看起来又超廉价 and looks cheap as well in that red dress--
‎不好意思,抱歉打断你 ‎当主人的不能失礼 Excuse me! I'm so sorry to interrupt, but I feel like I'd be a rude hostess
‎我要请你吃一片精致的手工起司... if I didn't offer you a piece of this exquisite artisan cheese that's...
‎尼克,那块起司呢?那块大... Nick, where's this... Where's that cheese? The big--
‎-没了 ‎-在哪里? - The cheese is gone. - Where is it?
‎在我肚子里 I put it, uh, in my stomach.
‎你吃掉整块起司? You ate that entire block of cheese?
‎羞辱我 Trying to shame me.
‎恐怕也唤不回起司... I don't know if that's gonna get the cheese back--
‎抱歉,我不是故意要自私... I'm sorry. I don't mean to be selfish--
‎抱歉,等等,这样吧 Sorry. Hold on. You know what?
‎我帮你倒杯酒,让你放松一下 Let me give you a drink right now just to relax you a little bit.
‎-来,亲爱的 ‎-不要 - Here. - I... I don't want that.
‎-不要?好吧 ‎-我不要 - No? Okay. - I'm okay.
‎妈的 ‎-是谁? ‎-不确定 - Oh shit. - Who is it?
‎有人要来吗? - Not sure. - You expecting someone?
‎这里就像余兴派对,大家不请自来 It's like an after-party. People just show up.
‎你先去卧室,以免发生什么事情 Let's put you into the bedroom, just in case, 'cause I don't know.
‎-我躲这里就好 ‎-不行 - I'll hide there. - Don't hide in there! Why?
‎怎么可以?太明显了 That's an obvious spot.
‎-这里很热吗? ‎-我也很热 - Is it hot in here? - I'm hot too.
-好,我来了 - I'm coming!
‎万一是凶手呢? What if that is the killer?
‎你不希望是凶手吗?让他杀了我们 Don't you kinda want it to be the killer so they can kill us?
‎我受够了 I am sick of this shit.
‎宝贝,我不太舒服 - Baby, I do not feel very good.
‎你好吗? ‎好 What's doin'? Yeah?
‎很高兴看到你 Hey, great to see you.
‎怎么样? What's going on?
‎我知道是谁干的 I know who did it.
‎谁? Who?
‎法兰西斯科 It was Francisco.
‎法兰西斯科 Francisco!
‎他有超过85件亲子监定诉讼案 He has had over 85 paternity suits filed against him.
‎我们怀疑他一直在盗用公款 We suspect he's been siphoning money out of the company
‎来养他生的那些小孩 in order to pay for all of these babies he made.
‎胡说八道 That's a lie!
‎孩子的事没有错 Not the part about the babies.
‎是真的,各地都有我的种 Yes, that's true. I've spread my seed far and wide,
‎但我这辈子没有偷过东西 but I have never stolen in my life.
‎你在这里干嘛? - What are you doing here?
‎问得好 - An excellent question.
‎-你们都在这里干嘛? ‎-赛拉来了 - What are you all doing here? - Saira's here.
‎-都不准动! ‎-天啊 - Nobody move! - Oh my God!
‎我没动 I ain't moving.
‎是我的... It's mine. It's mine.
‎-错过了 ‎-没接到? - I missed it. - Missed the call?
‎有一则留言 I have a message.
‎王公在我们手上 We have the Maharajah.
‎如果报警,他就死定了 If you contact the authorities, he dies.
‎早上7点会公布我们的要求 We'll make our demands known to you at 7:00 a.m.
‎这声音很好笑,不得不承认 That voice is hysterical. You got to admit it.
‎大家都要待在这里吧,上校? So we should all stay here. Correct, Colonel?
‎因为我们其中一个人 ‎肯定是绑匪的同伙 Because one of us is definitely working with the kidnapper.
‎对 动机 机会 Yeah. Motives, opportunities.
‎在场的人 Somebody here.
‎我的头有点晕 My head is spinning a little bit.
‎老婆? Honey?
‎宝贝,你要睡一下? Babe, are you taking a nap?
‎我也累了,所以大家... I'm tired, too, so let's, uh...
‎都别离开,等我们查出是谁干的 Nobody leave here until we figure out who did what.
‎很高兴看到大家 It's great to see everybody.
谢谢你们能来 抱歉，我的错。 - Thanks for coming over. Sorry, my bad. - Whoa!
‎老天! ‎什么? [yelps] Jesus! What?
‎天啊!尼克? Oh my God. Nick?
‎-什么事? ‎-尼克? - Yeah. - Nick?
‎什么事? Yeah?
‎尼克! - Nick! - Uh-huh.
‎尼克,老公,起来,我们被下药了 Nicky, honey. Get up. Get up! We got roofied.
‎-怎么了? ‎-宝贝,天啊,我们睡着了 - What happened? - Baby. Oh my God! We fell asleep!
‎-是吗? ‎-老公 - Oh yeah? - Honey!
我们要睡了 We're sleeping now.
‎我不知道发生什么事,我... I don't know what happened. Uh, I...
‎-快点,尼克,起来! ‎-好,我起来了 - Come on! Get up, Nick! - Okay. Up. I'm up.
‎是谁干的? Who did this?
‎什么?好爱炫耀科技 What? Now they're just showing off.
‎-快点! ‎-好,我来了,老婆,所以... - Hurry up! - Okay, I'm coming, honey. So...
‎-起来! ‎-我起来了 - Get up! - I'm up!
‎-冷静点再说话 ‎-我们不能放过下药的人 - Calm down before you say anything. - Nobody drugs us and gets away with it!
‎-可能没有下药 ‎-太扯了,这是违法的 - Maybe they didn't drug us. - It's illegal!
‎可能是吃太多昏过去 Maybe we just ate too much.That's why we passed out.
‎尼克、奥黛丽,来得正好 - Nick. Audrey. Just in time.
‎-要干嘛? ‎-要干嘛? - For what? - For what?
‎正牌的侦探刚刚抵达了 The real detectives have just arrived.
‎康纳米勒 Connor Miller.
‎前军情六处的人质谈判专家 ‎天啊,专门处理重要案子 - [Audrey gasps] - Former MI6 hostage negotiator.
‎他从贩毒集团手上 Oh my God. Specializes in high-profile cases.
‎救回乌拉圭总统的儿子 He got the President of Uruguay's son back from the cartel.
‎-书是他写的 ‎-写什么? - He wrote the book. He wrote the book. - On what?
‎落健不是谁擦都有效? How Rogaine doesn't work for everybody?
‎那本书,那本侦探教科书 The book! Our course detective book!
‎你们好,听说有案子要查 Greetings. I hear you need a case solved.
‎上校‎好久不见 Colonel. Been a long time.
‎法兰西斯科佩雷斯 Francisco Perez.
‎我是忠实粉丝 Big fan.
‎米勒先生,我们也是忠实粉丝 ‎我们可以告诉你情况 Mr. Miller, we're also very big fans. Um, we can bring you up to speed.
‎我们已经知道至少有两人涉案 So what we know already is that this is at least a two-person job.
‎我看到第一个人跟维克搭船逃跑 I saw the first guy escape with Vik on a boat,
‎第二个人还在岛上 leaving the second guy still on the island.
‎还有,我们两人昨晚都被下药 Also, just so you know, we were both drugged last night.
‎不知道有没有被下药 ‎我们喝了几杯... I don't know if we were drugged. We did have a few drinks--
‎-你们一定是斯皮茨夫妇 ‎-对 - You must be the Spitzes. - Yes.
‎没错,我们就是 Yes, we are!
‎你们名声在外 Your reputations precede you.
‎-讲得好 ‎-谢谢 - There you go. - Why, thank you.
‎-好极了 ‎-恐怕不是好的名声 - That's nice to hear. - Uh, not in a positive way, I'm afraid.
‎好吧 Okay.
‎据我所知,上次你们涉入这种事 I understand the last time you were involved in something like this,
‎大家都死了? everybody died?
‎那是...‎王公没死 Well, that was not the Maharajah.
‎他现在呢? How's he doing now?
‎-好吧 ‎-也是 - Okay. - Right.
‎-上校还在,大部分还在,很好 ‎-我懂你的意思 The Colonel's still here, most of him, so there. That's good.
‎米勒先生,我看过你的书... Um, listen. Mr. Miller, I read your book, and--
‎上校,我要看所有监视画面 Colonel, I wanna see all the security footage.
‎主机的档案都删掉了 All the footage was wiped from the mainframe.
‎对,因为有内鬼 Yeah, 'cause it's an inside job.
‎珠贝小姐,我们需要你的手机 Mademoiselle Joubert,
‎来分析留言的声音 我全力配合 we'll need your phone for a vocal analysis of the voice mail.
‎-他们很专业,毫无疑问 Of course. Anything you need.
‎在电话里讲得简明扼要 They're professional, no doubt. They were concise and brief on the phone.
‎对,我们也相信 We also have reason to believe
‎内鬼假扮成大象训练师 that the inside man was posing as an elephant handler.
‎斯皮茨太太 ‎你真的想讨论谁有嫌疑? You really wanna do suspects now, Mrs. Spitz?
‎-好啊 ‎-好 - Sure. - Fine.
‎你听一下 How about this? Uh...
‎一对夫妻,一个以前是纽约警察 ‎差点当上警探 A husband and wife, one an NYPD almost-detective,
‎一个是美发师,在网上修课 the other a hairdresser taking online classes.
‎两人开了一间私家侦探社 Together they run a private detective agency
濒临破产 teetering on the edge of bankruptcy.
‎要我猜的话 And if I were to hazard a guess,
‎这可能危及了他们的婚姻 I'd say it's probably taking a toll on their marriage.
‎他们迫切想挽救萧条的生意 Desperate to give validity to their failing business,
‎亿万富商临时邀请参加婚礼 ‎他们欣然接受 they accept a last-minute invite from a billionaire to attend his wedding.
‎一项计划油然而生 And so a plan is born.
‎他们抵达24小时后 ‎就发生一起备受瞩目的绑架案 Twenty-four hours after their arrival, there's a high-profile kidnapping,
‎非常引人关注,能成就事业 the sort that gets attention. A career maker.
‎我推论得怎么样,两位... How's my reasoning, fellow...
‎侦探同行? detectives?
‎-满厉害的 ‎-太棒了 - Pretty excellent. None of it was true. - Gorgeous.
‎全讲错了,但你那样讲 ‎我差点也认同了 I was starting to go with it 'cause of the way you phrase things.
‎-我差点就信了 ‎-口音有帮助 - I almost believed him. - The accent helps.
‎电话追踪设置完成 ‎绑匪应该随时会来电 Call trace is ready. Kidnappers should be calling in any minute.
‎失陪了,我有事要做 If you'll excuse me, I have a job to do.
‎-好,听我说 ‎-说吧,老公 - Okay, so listen. - Yes, honey.
‎我们吃了好吃的起司 ‎拿到免费苹果手机,我满足了 We got good cheese. We got free iPhones. I'm happy with everything.
‎什么?你要去哪里? ‎你有听到他刚才讲的吗? Where are you going? Did you hear what that guy just said about us?
‎-有 ‎-不是这样的 - Yeah. - None of that's true!
‎我们要让他们见识 ‎尼克和奥黛丽斯皮茨的本事 We need to show those people what Nick and Audrey Spitz are all about.
‎他很厉害,应该不需要我们 The guy's good! I don't think he needs us.
‎-尼克、奥黛丽 ‎-干嘛? - Nick. Audrey. - What?
‎绑匪说他只要找被他开枪的人 The kidnapper says he'll only talk to the man he shot at.
‎他们需要我们,好,他们需要我们 They need us. All right. They need us.
‎-走吧 ‎-走吧 - Let's go! - Let's go!
‎他们来了 - They're here.
‎-他马上会再打来 ‎-好 - He's calling back in a minute. - Okay.
‎让他保持冷静,继续讲话 You need to keep him calm, keep him talking.
‎-至少需要... ‎-45秒 - We need at least-- - Forty-five seconds.
‎-我知道,我有经验,老兄 ‎-你做过人质谈判? - I know. It's not my first rodeo, pal. - You've done hostage negotiation?
‎我娶了这个女人,每件事都要谈判 I'm married to this lady. Everything's a negotiation. I got it.
‎我懂的,谢谢 Appreciate it.
‎(电话追踪,待命)
‎(来电)
‎45秒,现在...‎开始 So 45 seconds, and it starts... now.
‎嗨‎绑匪,你好吗? Hi. Kidnapper, how are you?
‎就是你想阻止我逃跑吗? Is this the man who tried to stop me on my escape?
‎对,你对我开了枪 Yes, yes, yes, the man you shot at.
‎幸好我闪开了 Luckily, I got out of the way.
‎告诉我,怎样才能让维克平安回来 Tell me what we can do to get Vik back safely.
‎我们只在乎这件事 That's all we really care about.
‎想让王公回去‎我们要5千万美元 For the return of the Maharajah, we require $50 million.
‎他妈的5千万美元! Fifty putos millones?
‎(断线)
‎法兰西斯科 ‎这不是估价节目,不必喊价 Francisco, you think this is The Price Is Right, screaming out numbers?
‎只赎一个人,这太多钱了 Way too much money for just one guy.
‎很好,讯号没了,谢了 Great. Just lost the trace. Thanks.
‎-怪我?那个人大吼大叫... ‎-干嘛吼我? - It's my fault? This guy's yelling shit-- - Why are you yelling at me?
‎-你对着我讲... ‎-没有,我是骂他 - You were directing at me-- - I yelled at that guy!
‎他喝醉了,我被骂到臭头! The guy's hammered right now, and I'm catching shit for it!
‎这就是“危及婚姻”的证明 There's the "taking-a-toll-on-the-marriage" thing.
‎不好意思,起码我们结婚了 Excuse me! At least we are married.
‎对,别激动 ‎我们都这样沟通,我们是纽约人 Yeah. Calm down. This is how we communicate. We're from New York.
‎可以保持冷静吗? Can we remain calm?
‎-抱歉,当然可以 ‎-我们很冷静 - I'm sorry. Of course. - We're calm.
‎他要钱,他会再打来 He wants the money. He's gonna call back.
‎-放轻松 ‎-对 - Relax. - Yup.
‎-来了,好 ‎-所以... - Here we go. Okay.
‎-来吧 ‎-交给我 - Here we go. - Got this!
‎45秒,现在...开始 Forty-five seconds starts again now.
‎抱歉,老兄,这里很多人很焦虑 Sorry about that, man. A lot of anxious people here.
‎有个醉汉,我们都有那种朋友 One drunk guy. We all got that friend.
‎价钱涨到6千万美元了 The price just went up to 60.
‎他们说:“很好,没问题” They say, "Great. No problem."
‎明晚8点,带价值6千万美元 ‎无法追踪的不记名债券 You will bring $60 million in untraceable bearer bonds
‎到巴黎凯旋门 to the Arc de Triomphe in Paris at 8:00 p.m. tomorrow night
‎拿这支电话等候指示 and wait with this phone for further instructions.
‎你好,不好意思,抱歉插个话 Hello, excuse me. I'm so sorry to interrupt.
‎我们需要明确的证据 But we are going to need unequivocal evidence
‎证明人质还活着 that the hostage is still alive.
‎交付赎款前,我会证明他还活着 You will receive proof of life before the exchange.
‎-好 ‎-非常感谢 - Cool. - Thank you very much.
‎晚上8点到凯旋门来 Arc de Triomphe, 8:00 p.m.,
‎否则王公就没命 or the Maharajah dies.
‎你的声音经过处理,听不太清楚 The voice jumbling thing you got on your... It's hard to understand you.
‎-地点不清楚,对 ‎-能再说一次吗?哪里? - The location, yes. - Can you do that again? Where is it?
‎凯旋门 - Arc de Triomphe.
‎你听起来像这样... - This is what you sound like...
‎-我们听到的是这样 ‎-凯旋门 - That's what we hear. - Arc de Triomphe!
‎好,凯子旋转门 Okay, so Arctic Tree Hump.
‎-懂了,你是这样说的吧? ‎-价钱涨到7千万了 Got it. You said that, right? The price just went up to 70 now!
‎付7千万美元 [sobbing]
‎否则王公会死得很惨 Seventy million, or the Maharajah dies a painful death.
‎你说碗公会死? Muhammad Ali dies, you say?
‎天啊! -Oh my God!
‎你害我们多损失2千万美元,白痴! You just cost us 20 extra million, you doofus!
‎我不要这两个小丑参与了 I don't want these buffoons involved.
‎绑匪恐怕不这么想,我们甩不掉他们 I'm afraid the kidnapper does, so we're stuck with them.
‎成功了,追踪到了 They did it. Got the trace.
‎我们成功了? - We did? - Aha!
‎-看到没?小丑队再下一城 ‎-谢谢 - See? Team Buffoon wins again! - Thank you!
‎米勒,你可以回去海里了 ‎交给我们就行 You can go back in the ocean now, Miller. We got this.
‎我们要去巴黎,东西带好 ‎准备一小时后出发 We're going to Paris. Everybody pack. Be ready to leave in one hour.
♪ Paris, Paris, Paris Paris, Paris, Paris... ♪
‎付完赎金后 ‎我们四处走走,怎么样? Let's go and do some sightseeing after the ransom paying.
‎-可以吗? ‎-当然 - Can we do that? - Of course!
‎你知道吗? Can we just... You know what?
‎救回维克后 After we get Vik back,
‎我们可以去艺术桥重申誓约 we could go and renew our vows at Love Locks Bridge.
‎就这么办 It's a date.
‎你们的手机给我 I'm gonna need your phones.
‎-手机? ‎-为什么? - Need our phones? - Why?
‎会影响办案 - They're compromised.
‎好吧 - Oh, okay.
‎会还给我们吧?这是全新的 We'll get 'em back, right? These are brand-new. We got 'em for free.
‎免费的,是礼盒的赠品 In the gift bags. They gave 'em to us--
‎他们送的,我们... [booming]
‎-竟然有这种事 ‎-手机拿不回来了 - Can't believe that happened. - We're not getting them back.
‎我的里面有老二照,现在没了 I had a dick pic on mine, but that's gone.
‎别想手机了,只有一支电话重要 Let's not obsess about phones.
‎就是绑匪要打的,拿去 The only important phone is the one the kidnapper will call on. Here.
‎我设定过了,大家都听得到 ‎你们一个人要带枪 I set it up so we can hear everything. I'm gonna need one of you to be armed.
‎-斯皮茨先生,你能拿枪吗? ‎-可以 - Mr. Spitz, can you handle a gun? - Yes.
‎我说过了,我当过警察,干嘛? - I told you, I was on the force. What? - Um...
‎可能要交给我 I just think maybe I should handle it.
‎你拿枪? -You should handle it? - Just--
‎-为什么... ‎-你的枪法... - Why would that-- - Your aim is--
‎我的枪法很准 ‎干嘛在他面前讲这种话? My aim? My aim is fine.
‎他听不到... - Why are you saying this? - He can't hear--
‎这就像我在名模面前说你穿塑身衣 That's like me saying you wear Spanx in front of a supermodel.
‎枪我来拿 So, uh, I'll take the gun 'cause
‎我枪法很准 I'm very good with a gun.
‎以前警队都叫我“尼克手枪侠” ‎那是我的绰号 They used to call me "Nicky Guns" on the force. That was my nickname.
‎黑道以前周末都会来请教我 Gang members used to ask me for advice on the weekends
‎因为我枪法神准 'cause I shot so well.
‎我会说:“我不能讲,我不想帮你们” I'd say, "I can't. I don't wanna help you guys."
‎你拿枪 You take the gun.
‎我拿枪,电话在我这里,钱在你那里 I'll take the gun. I got the phone, and you got the money.
‎他们打来后,遵守书里第12章讲的 When they call, I want you to follow the three rules of ransom drops
‎交付赎款三原则 from Chapter 12 of my book.
‎可以吗?奥黛丽,记得吗? Can you do that? Remember what they are?
‎第一,遵守所有合理的指示 Number one. Um, follow all reasonable instructions.
‎-对 ‎-第二 - Yes. - Number two.
‎要先看到肉票,再交付赎金 Do not hand off the ransom until you see the kidnappee.
‎-没错 ‎-第三 Exactly.
‎不要跟他们去第二个地点 And number three. Do not go to a secondary location with them.
‎非常好 Perfect. You'll be fine.
‎你们不会有事的,去吧 Off you go.
‎-好 ‎-“尼克手枪侠”风格,走吧 - Okay. -"Nicky Guns" style. Let's go!
‎-尼克,这个给你 ‎-我拿... - Cool. - I'm gonna hand you this.
‎告诉我,谁叫过你“尼克手枪侠”? You gotta tell me who on earth ever called you "Nicky Guns."
‎谁没这样叫我?大家都这样叫我 You gotta tell me who didn't call me that. Everybody called me that.
‎我没碰过这么重的一箱钱 This is the heaviest goddamn case of money I've ever felt.
‎干嘛不用线上支付?这重达... Why couldn't they Venmo? This thing weighs...
‎我的手好痛 My hands are killing me.
‎我要用两只手,这样会怪吗? I'm gonna go two hands. Does that look weird?
‎-你的手很可爱 ‎“可爱”?什么意思? - Your hands are cute. - "Cute"? What does that mean?
‎-小巧可爱 ‎-你家人的手都像红猩猩 - You have cute hands. - Your family has orangutan ha--
‎你从小就觉得大手很正常 You grew up thinking giant hands are normal.
‎我没说你的手很秀气 I never said dainty hands.
‎但跟你击掌很怪,因为你的手很小 I said it's weird to high-five you 'cause your hands are little.
‎我的手是一般大小 They're average hands.
‎-你奶奶的掌心放得下斗牛犬 ‎-拜托 - Your grandmother can palm a bulldog. - Oh, please.
‎我们在找谁? ‎Who are we looking for?
‎-电话来了 ‎-有人打来 Shit, shit, shit. That's the phone.
‎好,开始了 Okay, here we go.
‎启动追踪 Initiate the trace.
‎喂,你好 Hi. Bonjour,
‎女士,小姐,还是先生?请说 uh, madame or mademoiselle or monsieur. Go ahead.
‎尼克,是我! Nick, it's me!
‎王公,还好吗? Rajah! You okay?
‎钱在我们手上,我们要知道该往哪走 So we got the money, and we just need to know where to bring it.
‎告诉我们,我们救你出来 So tell us, and we'll get you out of there.
‎怎么了? - What happened?
‎证明人质还活着 You have your proof of life.
‎把钱拿去路边的厢型车 Now take the money to the van at the curb.
‎好 Okay.
‎-什么厢型车? ‎-厢型车? - Wh-- Wh-- What van? - Van?
‎什么厢型车?那一辆? What van are we talking about? That van there?
‎不要指,白痴,往那边自然走过去 Don't point, you idiot! Just casually walk in that direction.
‎好,我过去 Okay. Okay. I'm coming.
‎有异状的话,王公就没命 Anything out of the ordinary, and the Maharajah dies.
‎别这样,好,我们来了 Don't do that. Okay, we're coming.
‎要去厢型车那里 We gotta go to the van.
‎-那一辆? ‎-不要指 - That van? - No! Don't point.
‎他不要我们指,那一辆 He doesn't like pointing. That van.
‎吓死人 Oh shit.
‎上车 Get in the van.
‎我们用钱跟你交换王公 We'll give you the money in exchange for the Maharajah.
‎他在附近 He's not far.
‎快点上车 Get in the van.
‎-别上车 ‎-你们的命运... - Don't get in the van!
‎-之前不是这样说的 ‎-原则三,不要上车 - That wasn't part of the deal. - Number three. Don't get in the van.
‎上车,不然射穿你们的肚子 Get in the van, or I'll shoot you both in the stomach,
‎把你们带去乡下,喂给猪吃 take you to the countryside, and feed you to the swine.
‎-好,上车吧 ‎-好... - Okay. Let's get in the van. - Okay, okay, okay.
‎好,抱歉,好 Okay, sorry. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
‎白痴美国人 Stupid Americans.
‎-把钱给我们 ‎-把钱给你们 - Give us the money! - Give you the money.
‎-没问题,钱 ‎-把钱给他,拜托 - All right. You got it. - Just give him the money!
‎-等一下 ‎-我还有这个 - One second. - I do have these too.
‎搞什么? What the fuck?
‎我带来,以免我们之后想庆祝... I brought these for us in case we wanted to celebrate after,
‎-你疯了吗? ‎-计划调整一下 but I'm gonna change the plans.
‎我把这边铐在这里,这边铐在这里 So what I'll do is put this on here, and I'll put this on here.
‎钱要跟着我们走了 This goes wherever we go now.
‎懂吗?我不知道钥匙在哪... You understand? I don't know where the--
‎-怎么了? ‎-什么? - No! - What happened?
‎-哈罗? ‎ - What happened? - Hello?
-断线了? We're offline?
‎待命 Stand by.
‎马上带我们去见王公 Take us to the Maharajah now.
‎你觉得如何? What do you think of that?
‎把手砍断 Chop off his hand.
‎-把手砍断? ‎-什么? - Chop off my hand? - What?
‎-对 ‎-不要!斧头! - Yes! - No! Hatchet!
‎-不要,快找钥匙 ‎-我知道在哪里 - Find the key. - I do know where the key is.
‎-找这里 ‎-糟糕 - Look in here. - No, no, no. Shoot.
‎-我找不到 ‎-找其他口袋 ‎妈的,我好像没办法扣下扳机找钥匙 - Shoot, I can't find it. - Check your other pockets!
‎老公,你在讲什么? Son of a gun! I can't seem to pull the trigger on finding the key.
‎你的枪!射这个混蛋! - What are you talking about? - Your gun! Shoot this asshole!
‎天啊! Oh my God!
‎我的天啊! Oh my God!
‎对不起! Oh my God, I'm so sorry!
‎不要道歉,你杀了绑匪 Don't apologize, honey. You killed the kidnapper!
‎天啊 Oh my God!
‎射这个家伙! Shoot this guy!
‎可以射腿吗?我不想再杀人 Can I shoot him in the leg? I don't wanna kill anybody else!
‎有什么差别?你已经是杀人犯了! What is the difference? You're already a murderer!
‎我不想当杀人狂! I don't wanna be a mass murderer!
‎-拿斧头 ‎-好 - Grab the hatchet! - Okay!
‎怎么了? What?
‎天啊! Oh my God!
‎老婆,你不只是杀人狂 Sweetheart, you're not just a mass murderer.
‎你是斧头杀手 You're an axe murderer!
‎老公,他在动 Honey, he's moving. Oh my God.
‎天啊,我觉得他可能没事 I think he might be... He might be okay.
‎那是临死的抽搐,老婆 Those are death twitches, honey!
‎老天! Jesus!
‎他的脚卡在油门上 His foot's on the gas!
‎抓住方向盘! - Grab the wheel!
‎天啊 - Oh God!
‎妈的!好恶心!我碰到了 Oh shit! It's so gross! I touched... I touched it!
‎好耶,现在是谁要喂谁给猪吃? Oh yeah! Who's gonna feed who to the swine now, huh?
‎那一个已经死了,尼克! That's the dead guy, Nick!
‎糟糕,大家快闪 People, move!
‎妈的! Oh shit!
‎你真的什么都撞吗? Are you literally hitting everything?
‎-车门开了 ‎-天啊!你做了什么? - Door's open! - Oh my God! What did you do?
‎天啊,老公 Oh God! Honey!
‎我的天啊 Oh my God!
‎老公,杆子! Honey, pole!
‎-什么? ‎-有一根杆子! - What? - There's a pole!
‎我听不到! I can't hear you!
‎天啊 Oh my God.
‎算了 Never mind.
‎好了,宝贝 [panting] Okay, baby.
‎-你好 ‎-你好,大家没事吧? - Bonjour. - Bonjour. Are you all okay?
‎抱歉,来,让我下去 - Sorry. Let me get down. - Careful. Oh my goodness!
‎-小心,我的天‎-老天 ‎-大家没事吧? - Ow! Jesus! - Everybody okay there?
‎嗨,午餐好吃吗? - Oh my God. - Hi. Hi. How was lunch?
‎-干嘛? ‎-干嘛? - What? - What?
尼克和奥黛丽斯皮茨... Nick and Audrey Spitz...
‎-什么? ‎-什么? - What? - What?
‎糟了 Oh no.
‎(“起司刀杀手”)
‎-等一下,什么?不对! ‎-搞什么... - Wait. What? No! - What the--
‎我没拿起司刀,我是拿起司 I didn't take a cheese knife. I took the cheese!
‎你干嘛拿?你干嘛吃起司? Why did you grab it? Why did you have cheese?
‎我抽了水烟筒,开始嘴馋 I had cheese because I had the hookah munchies,
‎那个起司很好吃 and it was good cheese.
‎那把刀没离开过房间,尼克 That knife never left the room, Nick.
‎但我们离开了房间 ‎他们可能偷了刀,换成我们的脸 But it did leave the room. Maybe they stole the knife so they could deepfake us.
‎上面都是我们的指纹 - Our fingerprints are all over it!
‎这是狗屁! -C'est caca!
‎-不是我们 ‎-电视都乱讲! - We did not do this. - Television say bullshit!
‎我们没有能力... - We're not capable of doing anything... - Nous sommes innocents!
‎我们是无辜的 - Innocents! - ...
‎...做这种事 like this.
‎跟OJ辛普森相反 Like, uh, opposite of O.J.!
‎我们不会做这种事,我发誓 We would never do this.
‎-不会 ‎-我保证 - I swear! I promise you! - No.
‎这是意外,难免的 It was an accident, inevitable
‎天啊 Oh God!
‎我叫你们不要上车 I told you not to get in the van.
‎-我们... ‎-他有枪 - We-- - The guy had a gun!
‎-你们也有枪 ‎-对 - What do you mean? You had a gun! - Yeah--
‎-我用了枪 ‎-她用得很好 - I used the gun! - She used it good!
‎你有看到 ‎他们在电视上怎么搞我们吗? Do you see what they're doing to us on the TV?
‎-那是电脑修过的 ‎-对 - That's been digitally altered. - Yes!
‎-我就知道你看得懂 ‎-谢谢你注意到了,很专业 - I knew you'd see through that. - Thank you for noticing. That's a pro.
‎箱子还好吗? Is the case intact?
‎好耶 Well!
我们联手制伏他 We did that!
‎很不赖‎怎么这么快就来了? - That was nice! - How did they find us so fast?
‎他们有7千万个理由 They've got 70 million reasons.
‎箱子给我,你有钥匙吗? - Ah! - Give me the case. Do you have the key?
‎钥匙?干嘛?这是情趣手铐 The key? For what? These are sex handcuffs.
‎你看,这样就解开了 Look. All I gotta do is this.
‎好,他们看我拿箱子,就会追我 Okay. When they see me with this, they'll follow me.
‎-对 ‎-我什么都应付得来 - Right. - Nothing I can't handle.
‎我知道 I see that.
‎晚上7点在玛达肋纳堂会合 Meet at the Madeleine, 1900 hours.
‎没问题,我们会去 No problem. Yeah, we'll be there.
‎我太贬低你们的事业了 I was harsh about your business before.
‎我们可能等级不同,但有一样的热情 We may not be equals, but we do share a passion.
‎我现在知道了,再见! I see that now.
‎我错了,这家伙好帅 Hey, I was wrong. That guy is a stud.
‎老公 Honey...
‎如果米勒是绑匪呢? What if Miller's the kidnapper?
‎他说晚上7点要在玛达肋纳堂会合 He said he's gonna meet us at 1900 hours at the Madeleine.
‎我知道,但坏人会说谎 I know, but bad people, they lie.
‎好吗?我们刚把7千万美元交给了他 All right? And we just handed the guy $70 million.
‎-天啊,你可能说得对 ‎-只是猜测 - Oh God. Maybe you're right. - I'm just saying.
‎不对,你猜错了 Nope, you were wrong.
‎-这是谁? ‎-不知道,从哪冒出来的? - Who's this? - I don't know. Where'd he come from?
‎-直接走进火海? ‎-他直接走过去 - He's gonna walk into the flames? - He walked right into that.
‎他拿到手提箱了 He's got the case!
‎-不!天啊! ‎-天啊,我搞糊涂了 - No! Oh my God! - Now I'm very confused!
‎-糟了,这家伙是谁? ‎-这是谁? - Oh no. Who's that guy? - This guy?
‎天啊 Oh my God!
‎NE-413-DAN N-E-4-1-3-D-A-N.
‎我们又成了欧洲头号通缉犯,快跑 We're Europe's most wanted again. We better run!
‎-我来拿...好 ‎-拿帽子 - I'm gonna grab... Okay. - Grab that hat.
‎-这是... ‎-这是什么? - What is... Um... - What is this?
‎是杜拉克瓦!这家伙喜欢我们 - It's Delacroix! That guy loves us.
‎我听到他说“歌剧”,好,快走 - I understood "opera." Okay. Go, go, go! - Okay. Okay.
‎-是我们 - How? - Surprise!
‎-奥黛丽和尼克 Audrey and Nick!
‎-烟圈好帅,你好吗? ‎-有收到我们的圣诞卡吗? - Smoke rings! How you doing? - Hi! Did you get our Christmas card?
‎我很好,我收到了 ‎搭配的毛衣很不错 I'm fine, and yes. The matching sweaters were a nice touch.
‎我的点子 - That was my idea.
‎我们需要你帮个小忙 So, hey, we need a little bit of help.
‎-是一个大忙 ‎-对 - We need a lot of help. - Yeah.
‎-你们被捕了 ‎-没有 - You are under arrest. - No!
‎很难分辨你什么时候是认真的 I can never tell when you're being serious.
‎看起来很认真,是吗? He looks serious. Are you serious?
‎你们绑架了王公 For kidnapping the Maharajah,
‎谋杀他的保镖 murdering his bodyguard,
‎偷走7千万美元 stealing $70 million,
‎-偷走... ‎-破坏城市多个街区 destroying many city blocks,
‎你们进歌剧院也没付钱吧? and, I'm assuming, sneaking into the opera.
‎-我们一件也没做 ‎-我们做了第四项和第六项 - We didn't do all of that. - We did number four and number six.
‎我们是被陷害的 We're just... We're being framed.
‎我们有预感是谁干的 We got a hunch who really did it.
‎我们需要你帮忙追踪一个车牌 We need you to track this license plate for us.
‎我非常乐意帮忙 Nothing would give me greater pleasure,
‎但这样我就得立即向上级报告 but then I would have to immediately report such help to my superiors,
‎否则就是协助和煽动犯罪 or I would be guilty of aiding and abetting.
‎这样吧,我们把你绑起来 How's this? We can tie you up,
‎你可以说是我们逼迫你帮忙 and then you can say we forced you into helping us.
‎等一下,你要打给谁? Wait, wait. Who are you calling?
‎我没有要打电话 I'm not calling anyone.
‎我有个应用程式,能用车牌追踪车子 I have an app to track the vehicle with that plate.
‎有这种应用程式? They have an app for that?
‎天啊,上面有Shazam吗? God. You got Shazam on that after?
‎我想知道这是什么歌 I just... I wanna know what song this is.
‎应用程式显示 So the app says the truck is parked out by a chateau
‎卡车停在80公里外的城堡? that's 80 kilometers away?
‎不好意思 Mm-hmm. Excuse me.
能帮我抓鼻子吗? Can you scratch my nose?
‎轻一点 Uh... Uh, softer.
‎轻一点 Softer. Hmm.
‎-谢谢 ‎-还有,可以跟你借车吗? - Thank you. - Also, do you have a car we can borrow?
‎-钥匙在我裤子的口袋里 ‎-好 - The keys are in my pants pocket. - Okay.
‎这你也要叫奥黛丽做?我来拿 You talking to Audrey on that one too? I'll handle the pants pocket.
‎我能说什么?试试也无妨 What can I say? Shooters gotta shoot.
‎好,这是马铃薯还是钥匙? ‎因为我...好,拿到了 Okay, is this a potato or a key 'cause I'm... Okay, got it.
‎交给我们 - We'll take care of it. - Hey, hey.
‎车内不准吃东西 Okay, no food in my car.
‎杜拉克瓦的车子一定很帅 Man, I bet Delacroix's got a sick-ass vehicle.
‎(警察)
‎不好意思 Excuse me.
‎警探,夜安 Bonsoir, Inspector.
‎-夜安,上校! ‎-幸会! - Bonsoir, Colonel! - Enchante!
‎警察在找你们 The police are looking for you.
‎对,没错,上校,这不是我们干的 Yeah, no kidding. Colonel, we did not do this.
‎我知道 I know that,
但凶器上面都是你们的指纹 but they have your fingerprints all over the murder weapon
‎还拍到你们带着凶器跑出帐篷 and footage of you running out of the tent with it.
‎-对 ‎-我们度假都会碰到这种鸟事 - Yeah. - Typical Spitz vacation insanity.
‎对了,米勒死了,钱也搞丢了 Miller's dead, by the way, and we lost the money.
‎看来像是你们拿的 It just looks like you took it.
‎更惨的是,绑匪刚打电话来 It gets worse! The kidnappers just called. They've given us
‎限我们午夜之前交出赎金 a midnight deadline to come up with the money,
‎否则要杀死王公 or they will kill the Maharajah.
‎好,上校,可以帮我们拖时间吗? Okay, Colonel, will you just stall for us until then?
‎-非常感谢 ‎-好,上校,谢谢 - Merci beaucoup! - Thank you, Colonel!
‎我的天啊 Oh my God!
‎现在你知道 ‎绑匪为什么需要7千万美元了 Well, now you know why the kidnapper needs $70 million.
‎要付暖气费用 For the heating bill.
‎天啊 Oh boy.
‎好,那条护城河大概 Okay, so that moat's, like,
‎3公尺宽? three meters?
‎我应该跨得过去 I think I can clear that.
‎尼克,3公尺大概是10英尺 Nick, three meters is, like, ten feet.
‎我是高中跳远纪录保持人 I had the high school record for the long jump.
‎我没开玩笑,我以前跳得比这还远 And I'm not kidding. I went further than that back in the day.
‎-是吗? ‎-对 - Hmm. Did you? - Yeah.
‎他们以前叫你什么?“尼克长腿侠”? What'd they call you back then? "Nicky Long Legs"?
‎你在笑我? You're mocking me?
‎我只是说你跳不过去 You're not gonna make that jump.
‎我要证明你错了 It doesn't make me feel good to prove you wrong, but I'm gonna.
‎虽然我不会因此开心,好吗? - All right? - Mm-hmm.
‎好,从那个角度来看 ‎确实不止3公尺 Okay, from that angle, it does look further than three meters.
‎-真糟糕 ‎-你觉得你可以吗? - Oh shoot. - What do you think?
‎你要我跳过去? - Do you think maybe you could do it? - Now you want me to make that jump?
‎夜安 Bonsoir.
‎-女伯爵? ‎-女伯爵? Countess?
‎惊讶吗? Surprised?
‎对...你有听到我们说“女伯爵”吗? -Yeah.Did you hear we just said... - "Countess?"
‎天啊 Oh God.
‎维克在哪里? Where's Vik?
‎应该在绑匪那里 I guess the kidnappers have him.
‎绑...你们不是绑匪? Kid... You're not the kidnappers?
‎不是 No, no, no.
‎我不会做这种事‎维克拉朗是我朋友 I would never do such a thing. Vikram is my friend.
‎你朋友? Your friend.
‎你爱过他 You loved him.
‎天啊 Oh God!
‎我爱钱 - I love money. - Hmm, hmm, hmm.
‎听到你们两个门外汉要碰这么多钱 When I heard you two amateurs are gonna be handling so much of it,
‎我必须拿到手 I just had to have it.
‎“必须拿到手” "Had to have it."
‎-所以,你没放那把刀? ‎-或伪造影片? - So you didn't plant that knife? - Or deepfake that footage?
‎或晚上在我们的饮料下药? Or slip something into our drinks that night at the villa?
‎-提这干嘛?又没有关联‎-当然有关联 - Why bring that up? It's not relevant. - Of course that is relevant!
‎-非常有关联 ‎-别说了 - It's extremely relev-- - All right! All right! Jesus!
‎-天啊 ‎ - God!
-两个坏人绝对会起内哄 Two bad guys never works out.
‎-一定会有人出卖对方 ‎-电影都这样演 - One always double-crosses the other. - It's a cliche of the genre.
‎-我们看过 ‎-很多次 - We've seen this before. Trust us.
‎相信我们 - So many times.
‎-你要自救 ‎-伊玛妮 - Save yourself. - Please.
‎车子准备好了吗? Imani? Is the car ready for our getaway?
‎-好了,女伯爵 ‎-很好 - Yes, Countess. - Brilliant.
‎-不要! ‎-不要! - No! - No! Don't!
‎-天啊 ‎-我跟你讲得很清楚 - Oh my God. - I couldn't have been more clear.
‎-电影就是这样演的 ‎ That is the cliche.
-对 - 就是这儿。 - Yeah. - Right there.
‎运气好的话,你们会先呛死,再烧死 With any luck, the smoke will get to you before the flames do.
‎不! - No!
‎糟糕 Oops.
‎什么? What?
‎回马枪 Triple cross.
‎天啊,这两个混蛋死了 ‎一定会怪在我们头上 Oh my God. We are so getting blamed for both those assholes being dead.
‎快走 Let's go!
我们要跳出去 - We gotta hop out of here! - Okay!
‎来,跳吧,一起跳 - Come on! Let's go! Let's go! Together!
‎-天啊! ‎-快点,退后! - Oh my God! - Go, go, go! Back, back, back!
‎去窗户那里,快点 To the window! To the window! Go, go!
‎退后，退后 Back, back, back!
‎妈的 - Oh shit!
‎-天啊 ‎-你还好吗? - Jesus! - Are you okay?
‎-你还好吗? ‎-开始滚 - Are you okay? - You gotta roll away.
‎不对!是滚那边 - No! That way!
‎天啊,你好大! Oh my God, you're so big!
‎度蜜月你就说过了 ‎我们要跟当时一样继续尝试 That's what you said on our honeymoon, but like then, we gotta keep trying.
‎天啊,老公 ‎我都不知道要滚去哪里了 Oh my God, honey! I don't even know where we're rolling to, honey!
‎-我不知道 ‎-天啊 - I don't know! - Oh my God!
‎药是我放的 I was the one who roofied us.
‎什么? Wha-- What?
‎应该说是你放的,不过是因为我 I mean, you did it, but it was because of me.
‎我把安眠药放在你的止痛药瓶里 I keep my Ambien in the Advil bottle that you use, and I...
‎我压力太大了 I just get so stressed out.
对不起，都怪我 I'm sorry.It was all me.
‎别道歉,要道歉的是我 Don't apologize. I'm the one who needs to apologize.
‎我一直批评你,我好内疚 I have been criticizing you so much. I feel terrible.
‎-对不起 ‎-没关系 - I'm sorry. - No. It doesn't matter.
‎你的广告招牌和牙线名片 Your billboards and dental floss business cards--
‎-牙线名片 ‎-我知道,我不... - Dental floss business cards. - I know, and I didn't think...
‎-那个点子不错 ‎-不是,名片上的刀片 - It's not that it was a bad idea-- - The razor thing on the card!
‎我能用来剪断胶带,我口袋里有一张 I can use it to cut the tape! I got one in my pocket!
‎-哪里? ‎-在后面的口袋 - Where? - Right here in the back pocket.
‎等一下 Oh! Hold on. Hold on! Hold on!
‎我在找了 I'm trying to find it.
‎帮我一下,伸进去拿 Help me. Help me. Get it.
拿，拿 Get it. Get it. Reach.
‎-伸进去,拜托 ‎-我拿到了 - Reach down. Down. Please, God. - Got it. I got it!
‎天啊,可以吗? Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.
要切断了吗? Are we good? Are we cutting this?
‎-有用吗? ‎-好像有用 - Is it working? - I think it's working.
‎我的天啊 Oh my God!
‎牙线名片,我爱你,我爱死你了 I love you, dental floss business cards.
‎拜托 I love you so much. Oh, please, please, please.
‎太好了! Yes! Yes!
‎太好了 Yes!
切断脚上的胶带 Get the feet.
‎-好了! ‎-好,赶快跑! - I got it! - Come on! Come on! Go! Go!
‎糟糕 Oh no!
‎-你在干嘛? ‎-天啊 - What are you doing? - Oh God.
‎来,拿好,我要击破窗户 Here, take this. I'm gonna shoot out the window.
‎天啊 God!
‎要命!这是法国枪! My God! It's a French gun!
‎老公 Honey!
‎-不 ‎-什么? - No. - What?
‎不! No!
‎宝贝!‎我爱你 Baby! Oh! I love you!
‎天啊 Oh God.
‎-什么?不... - What? - No!
‎-不... 不...不 - No, no! No, no, no! - No, no, no, no, no!
‎妈的 Shit! Shit!
‎尼克 Nick.
‎这次换我开了 This time, I'm driving.
‎好 Okay.
‎开什么玩笑?我不... Are you kidding me? I can't...
‎老婆,又是你开 You're getting it again, hon.
‎-对不起 ‎-没关系 - Sorry. - That's all right.
‎各位先生女士 Mesdames et messieurs...
‎我是罗宏杜拉克瓦警探 My name is Inspector Laurent Delacroix.
‎15分钟前,国际刑警组织 ‎对此案展开控制行动 Fifteen minutes ago, Interpol assumed operational control of this matter
‎指派我领导特别小组 and assigned me to head the task force.
‎好,我们知道了 ‎但国际刑警怎么突然介入? Okay, we get it, but why all of a sudden Interpol gets involved?
‎这些罪行令人发指 The heinous nature of the crimes.
‎多起谋杀案、一宗绑架案 ‎巴黎历史最悠久的咖啡馆遭摧毁 Several murders, a kidnapping, the destruction of the oldest cafe in Paris,
‎一位帅气十足的歌剧迷遭到捆绑 the tying up of a very handsome opera fan.
‎老天啊 Oh dear God.
‎好,但我们为什么要相信 ‎你找得到尼克和奥黛丽斯皮茨? Okay, but why should we believe you'll be able to find Nick and Audrey Spitz?
‎因为他们就在电话线上 Because I have them on the phone.
‎-喂?大家都在吗? ‎-是的,奥黛丽 - Hello? Hey. Is everybody there? - Yes, Audrey.
‎大家都在,除了... Everyone except--
‎女伯爵和她的怪朋友? The Countess and her creepy little friend?
‎把维克拉姆带回来,你们这些坏蛋 Give back Vikram, you monsters!
‎-钱在你们手上了 ‎-钱确实在我们手上 - You already got the money. - Yes, we do have the money.
‎想再看到这笔钱,最好告诉绑匪 And if you ever wanna see it again, you better tell the kidnapper
‎把王公带去朱尔斯凡尔餐厅 to bring the Maharajah to the Jules Verne restaurant.
‎什么? What? The what?
‎朱尔斯凡尔餐厅 Jules Verne restaurant.
‎朱尔斯凡尔餐厅?我懂了 Jules Verne restaurant? Ah, Le Ju--
‎是儒勒凡尔纳餐厅 - Le Jules Verne. - Oh.
‎午夜的时候,在艾菲尔铁塔观景台 On the observation deck at the Eiffel Tower at midnight.
‎对 Yes.
‎什么意思?我哥不在我们手上 What do you mean? We don't have my brother.
‎-放屁! ‎-在你们其中一人手上,好吗? - Bullshit! - Oh, somebody there does, okay?
‎听我老婆的话,午夜 ‎我们要见到活着的王公 So do what my wife just said. Midnight, Maharajah, alive.
‎警探,我们想开你的车 And, Inspector, we tried to start your car up
‎可是发不动,所以留在原地 but, uh, couldn't get it done, so we left it there.
‎什么? What?
‎我们偷了一辆蓝宝坚尼 We stole a Lamborghini. You can have that
‎事后可以给你 when we're done with it.
‎好喔 Okay.
‎(巴黎,奥尔良)
‎天啊‎好漂亮 Oh my God. So gorgeous.
‎干嘛盛装打扮? Why are you all dressed up?
‎网路上说要穿正式服装 We read online there was a dress code.
‎有次我穿短裤,进不去绿苑酒廊 We couldn't get into Tavern on the Green 'cause I was wearing shorts one time.
‎-怎么没有客人? ‎-对啊 - Wh-- Where is everybody? - Yeah.
‎我们包下餐厅,免得被打扰 We bought out the restaurant so we wouldn't be disturbed.
‎我们故意选在公共场所 You do understand the idea of doing this in public
‎就是因为旁边有人 is so there are actually people around?
‎-你们这身衣服是哪来的? ‎-你还做了头发? - How did you even get these clothes? - And you got your hair done?
‎我们碰到了状况,好吗? Look, we had a situation, all right?
‎有条护城河,然后我们... ‎我不必解释,好吗? There was a moat, and then we did... I don't have to explain myself, okay?
‎我们来问问题,怎么样? We'll be the ones who ask the questions. How's that?
‎-来吧,问问题 ‎-来看谁有嫌疑,好吗? - Go ahead. Ask the questions. - Let's review the suspects, shall we?
‎请便吧 Get comfortable.
‎从赛拉戈文丹开始 Let's start with Saira Govindan.
‎我? Me?
‎我替你们讲过话 I defended you.
‎我其实很喜欢你们 I actually really liked you.
‎我知道,我们也很喜欢你 ‎你一直对我们很好 I know you did. We really liked you. You've been so nice to us.
‎这算是我们的工作 It's just kind of what we do.
‎绑架我自己的哥哥? Kidnap my own brother?
‎-她不高兴了 ‎-我知道,她就在我面前 - She's getting upset. - I see. She's in front of me.
‎你疯了吗? Are you out of your mind?
‎-下一个,奥黛丽,下一个 ‎-下一个 - Just move on. Audrey, move on. - Moving on.
‎没事的,赛拉 All good, Saira.
‎法兰西斯科,董事会主席 Francisco, chairman of the board.
‎王公走了,你就可以随意盗用公款 With the Maharajah gone, you can embezzle all the money you want
‎来支付两千个小孩的亲子监定诉讼 to cover all those paternity suits for your 2,000 children.
‎你跟我也生一个吧? I say we make it 2,001, huh?
‎给我滚 Get out of my face.
‎恶烂的猪哥 Disgusting pig.
‎克劳黛乔贝儿 Claudette Joubert.
‎珠贝 Joubert.
‎巴黎女店员,想钱想疯了 Parisian shopgirl desperate for money.
‎我要钱的话,嫁给他就行了 If I wanted money, don't you think I'd just marry him?
‎董事会逼你签了苛刻的婚前协议 Not with that brutal prenup the board had you sign.
‎那上校呢?他有什么动机? But what about the Colonel? What's his motive?
‎他可能不想再帮有钱人做事 Well, maybe he just is sick of working for rich people 'cause you guys suck.
‎因为你们烂死了‎或者上校需要一大笔钱,帮自己买 Or maybe the Colonel needed enough money to afford himself
‎一只仿生手臂 a bionic arm.
‎我查过了,不会很贵 I looked into it. They're not very expensive.
‎-多少钱? ‎-2万、3万美元 - How much are we talking? - Twenty, thirty K.
‎这么便宜?我可能要买一个 That's it? Jeez, maybe I should get something like that.
‎你要先断一只手臂 You're gonna have to lose an arm for that.
‎我不是要买手臂 I wasn't talking about for the arm.
‎好‎都问过了 Okay, we went through everybody.
‎是谁干的? Who did it?
‎维克 -Mon amour!
‎他们要我来给你们看 Um, I've been asked to show you all
‎这个厉害的炸药 this sick-ass bomb and shit.
‎天啊 Oh my God.
‎足以炸掉整座塔,朋友 Enough to blow this whole damn tower up, G.
‎听好,你们要把钱放在电梯里 So check it. You gotta put the Benjamins in the lift
‎送到顶楼 and send it to the top floor.
‎他们点收无误,就会交出那个... Once the amount has been chickity-checked, they'll send down the, uh...
‎天啊,那个叫什么?爆破炸药那个? God, what's it called? The button blaster thingy? The--
‎-遥控引爆器? ‎-对,那个东西 - The remote detonator? - Yes, that shit.
‎他们会把那个送下来,我们就能离开 They'll send that back down, and then we can be outtie.
‎时间有一点赶,因为... And it's a bit of a hurry or something because, you know...
‎你们看 - Oh no!
‎天啊,尼克 - Oh my God, Nick!
‎尼克,钱,你要把钱放进电梯 Nick, Nick, Nick. The money. You must put it in the elevator.
‎现在 - Now! - Nah.
‎-不要 ‎-“不要”? -"Nah"? - What do you mean, "nah"?
‎-你在干嘛? ‎-他们不会炸掉他 - What are you doing? - I don't think they'll blow him up.
‎-天啊 ‎-尼克你真的要凭直觉决定? Nick, are you really just going on a hunch right now?
‎-相信我 ‎-尼克 - Trust me. - Nick!
‎兄弟 Bro-heem!
‎不会有事的,王公 No, it's all good in the hood, Maharajah.
‎歹徒受过严格的训练,对吧? Whoever did this had some serious training, right?
‎因为他杀了狠角色卢先生 'Cause he killed Mr. Lou, a lethal badass.
‎时间在倒数了,朋友 We're counting down here, G.
‎不行,尼克 No, no. Nick, Nick, Nick!
‎我们知道绑匪的骇客技术非常高明 And we know the kidnapper had some major hacking skills
‎能取得影片,进行换脸 to access that footage and do the deepfake.
‎快点,尼克 Come on, Nick!
‎他很清楚,在婚礼后台 ‎要去哪里找卢先生和维克 He knew exactly where to find Mr. Lou and Vik backstage at the wedding
‎才能在大象登场时把他们互换 in order to pull off the elephant switcheroo.
‎-但老公... ‎-尼克!我要爆炸了 - But, honey-- - Nick! I'm gonna blow up!
‎有这么多专业知识... With all that expertise...
‎天啊,尼克 - God, Nick! - [rapid beeping]
‎这家伙应该写一本书 ...this guy should write a book.
‎我的天啊,尼克! - Oh my God, Nick!
‎“许多的研究显示 ‎绑匪不会轻举妄动 "Thousands of studies have shown that the kidnapper will do nothing
‎害自己拿不到赎金” to jeopardize the receiving of the ransom."
‎康纳米勒先生的书,第9章,第3节 Chapter 9, section 3, written by Mr. Connor Miller.
‎你看了书 You read the book.
‎整本看完,写得很烂 From cover to cover, sweetheart, and it sucked.
‎你要喝喝看,很好喝 You gotta try this. It's so good.
‎你把我吓死了 You just scared the crap out of me.
‎怎么回事? What was that?
‎什么? What?
‎非常厉害 Very impressive.
‎休旅车爆炸了,你怎么能先下车? How did you get out of that SUV before it blew up?
‎我没有下车 I didn't.
‎我爬到后座的防弹钛制空间 I climbed into a bomb-proof titanium chamber in the back seat.
‎在大庭广众下身亡 ‎这是排除嫌疑最好的方法 A public death. What better way to eliminate himself as a suspect.
‎对‎但事情没有照你的计划走吧? Yeah, yeah. But everything didn't go according to your plan, did it?
‎你的手下拿到了钱‎就要逃之夭夭 Your guy had his hand on the case seconds before a clean getaway.
‎突然... And boom.
‎贪心的前未婚妻登场 The greedy ex enters the chat.
‎7千万美元 ‎是一大笔钱 Hmm. $70 million. That's a lot of money,
‎就算她是女伯爵 even for a countess.
‎所以她派伊玛妮来劫走抢匪的钱 So she sends Imani over to hijack the hijackers.
‎-谁? ‎-伊玛妮 - Who? - Imani.
‎-谁? ‎-伊玛...那个丫鬟... - Who? - Iman-- The sidekick to the--
‎女伯爵的...学她笑 The Countess's... You know, do the laugh.
‎-一定要吗? ‎-一下就好 Do I have to? - Just knock it out.
‎他们知道了 Now they know.
‎然后她出现 And then she swoops in,
‎在你的眼皮下偷走了赎金 steals the ransom money right out from under your nose.
‎一定很痛吧 - That must have hurt. - Uh-huh.
‎你们要是认真看过我的书 Now, if you had, in fact, read my book properly,
‎就会记得,匿名罪犯的身分一旦揭晓 you'd remember that revealing the identity of a heretofore anonymous criminal
‎所有知情的人都会有危险 puts all those privy to that information at risk.
‎这表示 Which means
‎我要杀了你们所有人 I'm gonna have to kill you all.
‎天啊! - Oh God!
‎盖瑞? Gary?
‎你是哪位? Who the hell are you?
‎我是苏珊 I'm Susan.
‎-你知道她是谁吗? ‎-不知道 - Do you know who this is? - I have no idea.
‎十年前,我来这里留学的时候 ‎认识了盖瑞 Gary and I met here ten years ago when I was studying abroad,
‎我们约好了‎我们如果还爱着对方 and we promised that if we still loved each other
‎也还没找到另一半 and we hadn't found anyone else,
‎今晚午夜,就约在艾菲尔铁塔 ‎中间这一层碰面 that we would meet halfway up the Eiffel Tower at midnight tonight.
‎我还是深爱着他 And I still love him very much.
‎盖瑞在这里吗? Are any of you Gary?
‎把手放下,法兰西斯科 Put your hand down, Francisco.
‎-天啊 ‎-小心! - Oh my God!
‎天啊! Oh God!
‎准备好 Get ready.
‎最后我想说 It just remains for me to say,
很高兴跟你们交手 it's been a pleasure.
‎爆破按钮还在他手上 He still has the button blaster thingy!
‎奥黛丽 - Audrey!
‎天啊 Oh my God!
‎跟我想的不一样! No! This is not what I planned!
‎你真的很会一错再错,对吧? There really is no end to your bad decision-making, is there?
‎尼克!不敢相信我要这么做 Nick! I can't believe I'm doing this.
‎拿我的枪 Take my gun.
‎等一下,你需要子弹,在我口袋里 Wait! You need bullets. In my pocket.
‎你这个臭小子 Oh, you little rascal.
‎-要伸进去一点 ‎-没问题 - You got it in there deep, huh? - You got it.
‎苏珊,压住警探的伤口 Susan, put some pressure on the inspector's wound.
‎这是互动剧场吗? Is this like an interactive theater thing?
‎很高兴我的忠实粉丝能看到这个 I'm glad my biggest fan is gonna get to see this.
‎其实,我现在没那么喜欢你了 Actually, not as much of a fan as I used to be.
‎真可惜,因为我要示范最后一课了 That's a shame because I'm about to teach my final lesson...
‎炸掉艾菲尔铁塔,金蝉脱壳 How to blow up the Eiffel Tower and get away with it.
‎你不会干这种事 You would never do that.
‎除了目击者之外,我最讨厌一种东西 There's only one thing I hate more than witnesses,
‎就是法国人 and that's the French.
‎那扇门一开 That door opens, everyone inside is dead, understand?
‎里面的人都会死,懂吗?
‎尼克! - Nick!
不…不…不要!尼克! No, Nick! No, no! No, no, no!
‎尼克 Nick! Oh!
‎(你欠我们苹果手机 ‎爱你哟,尼克手枪侠)
‎卡住了 It's stuck.
‎-把它拿掉,我很脆弱 ‎-背心是中号的 - Get this shit off me. I feel vulnerable! - The vest is a medium.
‎你14岁就穿不下中号的了 You haven't been a medium since you were 14!
‎别激动,拜托,把背心脱掉 Just chill out, please! Get this vest off me.
‎还好吗? You all right?
‎我需要电子烟 I need my vape.
‎-好 ‎-在我口袋里 - Okay. - In my pocket there.
‎-右边口袋 ‎-这个? The right pocket.
‎-不... ‎-不是 - This? - No, no.
那是你的老二 Oh, no. That's your penis.
‎-你拿到了 ‎-拿到了 - You got it. - Okay, got it. Got it.
‎中了弹恐怕不适合抽这个 I don't think this is the best thing for someone who's been shot,
‎不过,你抽吧 but go for it.
‎布鲁克林人来了 Here comes Brooklyn.
‎停了! - It stopped! - Oh!
‎(引爆器启动)
‎拆掉这鬼东西! Cut that damn thing off!
‎退后,不然钱就飞了 Step back, or this money goes.
‎我不相信你 I don't believe you.
‎你这样怎么不会脑震荡? How the hell do you do that without getting a concussion?
‎神的恩赐 God's gift!
‎他不会再眨眼了 He will never blink again.
‎-尼克! ‎-我们来了,宝贝 - Nick! - Yeah, we're coming, precious!
‎交给我,拜托 Let me handle this, please.
‎可能 ‎有轻微脑震荡 Perhaps... a mild concussion.
‎-拆掉! ‎-我们都会爆炸! - Get the thing off! - We are all gonna blow up!
‎我没有头绪 I don't know what to do!
‎没事的,宝贝 It's all good, babe!
‎尼克双枪侠登场 Nicky Two Guns in the house!
‎有打中什么吗? Did I hit anything?
‎射到引爆器了,老公 You got the detonator thingy, honey!
‎很好,我就是瞄准那个 Okay, good! That's what I was aiming for!
‎我的宝贝 Oh, my love.
‎烟圈,爱的烟圈 The ring. The rings of love.
‎好,现在要用枪 ‎来干另一件事,对吧? Yes. Okay. We're gonna use the guns for something else now, aren't we, bro?
‎把你朋友痛扁了一顿,现在换你 Smacked up your friends pretty good. You're next.
‎来啊 What's up? What's up?
‎好 Okay.
‎你要去哪里?宝贝! Where you going? Babe!
‎奥黛丽! Audrey!
‎老公! Honey!
‎没事的,宝贝,我会救你,撑住! It's okay, baby! I got you! Just hang on!
‎我一定是跳过了踢脸那一章 I must have missed the chapter on face-kicking.
‎天啊 Oh my gosh.
‎过来 Come here.
‎要撒纸花了,王八蛋 It's time to make it rain, bitch.
‎不! No!
‎来吧,宝贝 Come to me!
不 - No!
不不…好的。 No, no, no. Okay.
‎干掉其他人 Finish off the others.
‎好 Oh... Okay.
‎什么声音?‎真是破坏气氛 - What is that? - That really killed the vibe.
‎米勒 Hey, Miller!
‎我老公说得对 My husband was right.
‎你的书很烂 Your book sucked.
‎她百发百中 She never misses.
‎对不起 I'm so sorry!
‎-这次失误? ‎-对不起,宝贝,对不起 -Now you miss? - I'm sorry, baby! I'm sorry!
‎靠! Oh shit!
‎妈的!你是瞄准我还是他? Goddamn! Are you aiming for me or him?
‎他!我发誓 Him, I promise! I promise!
‎-天啊 ‎-快射他 - Just shoot him. Shoot him! - Shit!
‎射他 - Okay. - Shoot him!
‎我“绳”经衰弱了,你懂吗? Uh, I've come to the end of my rope, you know what I mean?
‎脑袋像轮子一样转个不停... My wheels are really turning right now. They're spinnin', my wheels.
‎天啊,好吧 Oh God. Okay.
‎百发百中? Never misses, huh?
‎看来不是每个人都像你这么厉害 Not everybody can be as good as you, I guess.
‎一路顺风,米勒 Enjoy the ride, Miller.
‎天啊 Oh my God.
‎蹲下来! - Get down!
‎天啊! - Oh! - Jeez!
‎巴黎好奇怪 Paris is very weird.
‎-他这次死了 ‎-彻底死了 He's dead this time.
‎他...没戏唱了 - He's so dead. - He is. It's done.
‎你怎么会想到这个方法? ‎怎么办到的? How did you come up with that plan? How do you do that?
‎-我不知道 ‎-你是天才 - I have no idea-- - You're a genius.
‎灵机一动,我就想...我的宝贝 It just kinda came out. Like, I just was like, what? My baby!
‎太厉害了 ‎我绝对想不到这么好的方法 You are next-level! I would never think of anything that good.
‎我不知道自己做了什么,好可怕 Thank you. I don't know what I did, and it was so scary.
‎-干嘛? ‎-我们是团队了 - What? - We're a team now, hmm?
‎不是,叫他走开...‎-不要碰她,她不高兴 ‎ - No. No. Get him off. Get him off. - Don't touch her. It's getting her upset.
-退后,走开 - Back up. - Just back up.
‎你做得很好,但不要过来 ‎给我们空间,谢谢 You did good, but just back up. Give us room. Thank you.
‎-宝贝 ‎-没事了,我爱你,宝贝 - Oh, babe. - It's all right. I love you, baby.
‎这实在是... That was just...
‎撇开这件事,巴黎今晚还蛮美的 It's kind of a beautiful Paris night besides that.
‎对 Yeah.
‎太好了 Yes. Hey!
‎-尼克!奥黛丽! ‎-你们又立功了! - Nick! Audrey! - Hey! You guys did it again! Oh!
‎-维克,钱的事很抱歉 ‎-没错 - Vik, I am so sorry about the money. - Yes, we apologize.
‎对不起,丢了很多钱 It was a lot of money to throw away.
‎巴黎居民应该会打从心底感激你 I think Paris is gonna thank you from the bottom of their hearts.
‎别担心,只要我的亲友 ‎没被谋杀就好了 Don't worry about it. Just as long as none of my peeps got murked, yeah?
‎除了卢先生 Apart from Mr. Lou.
‎是啊,没错 Oh, yeah, that's true.
‎哪个卢先生啊? - - Lou who, huh?
‎糟糕,你怎么了?怎么在流血? Oh no. What happened to you? Why are you bleeding?
‎没有...我没流血,是指甲花染料 Oh, no. It's... I'm not. It's henna.
‎一定是混乱中沾到的 It must have smeared in tonight's commotion.
‎谢天谢地,我受够了 ‎今晚别再有意外了 Oh, thank God. I'm sick. I can't take one more accident tonight.
‎别再流血了,拜托,我真的以为是血 No more blood, please.
‎累死了,你也是吧? - I swear, I thought it was blood. - I am exhausted. Aren't you?
‎是啊 Yeah.
‎你在嘀咕什么?你又在嘀咕了 - What are you muttering about right now? - Something doesn't make sense.
‎抱歉,这完全说不通 I'm sorry. It just doesn't make any sense.
‎赛拉,不好意思... Saira, I'm so sorry. What...
‎你说指甲花染料是混乱中沾到的? Did you just say you smeared your henna during tonight's commotion?
‎没错 That's right.
‎有意思 That's interesting.
‎为什么有意思? Why is that interesting?
‎对,这为什么有意思? Yes, why is that interesting?
‎我在欢迎舞会上没有看到你 You know, I never saw you during the welcome dance.
‎大象来了之后,你就出现了 And then you just kind of showed up right after the elephant arrived.
‎对 Yeah.
‎我之前去喝酒了 I was... I was getting a drink.
‎亲爱的,我当过美发师 ‎对染料略知一二 Honey, I was a hairdresser, and I know a thing or two about dyes,
‎指甲花染料干了之后 and once henna sets,
‎不会沾染 it doesn't smear.
‎抱歉,我不知道你在说什么 Sorry. I... I have no idea what you're talking about.
‎我在大象训练师的长袍上 ‎看到的不是血迹 That wasn't blood that I saw on the elephant handler's robe.
‎是指甲花染料 It was henna.
‎那是你的指甲花染料 ‎案发当晚还来不及干掉 And it was your henna that never had time to dry the night of the murder.
‎天啊! Oh my God!
‎是妹妹干的! The sister did it!
‎不会吧! Oh snap!
‎拜托,这太荒谬了 ‎我们不是讨论过了? Come on. This is lunacy! You guys, haven't we done this already?
‎我爱我哥哥,我有什么理由要... I love my brother. I mean, what reason would I have to--
‎可能是爸妈把家族事业交给他 Maybe because your parents gave him the family business,
‎虽然你比较聪明 even though you're the smart one,
‎而他想当水上摩托车饶舌歌手 ‎却完全没才华? and he's the Jet Skiing rapper wannabe with no skill at all?
‎不要见怪 No offense.
‎有点受伤 Some taken.
‎你在孟买想杀他,不也是这个原因? And isn't that the same reason you tried to kill him in Mumbai?
‎你! You!
‎我爸妈说对一件事 Well, my parents were right about one thing.
‎想把事情做好 If you need something done correctly,
‎就要自己动手 you should just do it yourself.
‎赛拉! - Saira!
‎不! No!
‎这个可怜虫,他快没有手臂了 Oh! This poor guy, honey! He's running out of arms!
‎-别想在我地盘撒野 ‎-好耶! Not in my town.
‎我的宝贝! Yeah! That's my bae!
‎-宝贝,谢谢 ‎ Thank you, baby.
-我要... I've got to just...
‎还好吗?没事的 - 'Sup! It's okay. Yeah.
‎好样的,老兄,你是我的头号保镖 You... You did great, pal. You're my number one bodyguard.
‎不只是因为上一个被干掉了 And not just 'cause the last one got smoked.
‎今年的宽扎节奖金最好有一大包 That Kwanzaa bonus better be off the hook this year.
‎送你一只仿生手臂啦,好吗? Hey, it's bionic arm time, bitch! Yeah?
‎-真的? ‎-对! - Yeah? - Yeah!
‎-你没事 ‎-天啊 You're okay.
‎-年轻人,怎么样? ‎-还好吗? - How are you feeling, young man? - How are you doing?
‎-我没事 ‎-罗宏非常与众不同,对吧? - I'm okay. - Laurent is a special man. Aren't you?
‎你出院后,我们要去吃晚餐 We're gonna go to dinner once you get out of the hospital.
‎巴黎再次施展魔法 Paris weaves its spell once again.
‎早日康复 ‎-好 ‎-谢谢 Feel better.
‎要告诉他们吗?好 - All right. - Should we tell them?
‎两位 ‎我们决定要 ‎-私奔 ‎-这绝对是明智的选择 - Yes! - Okay, guys. We decided to elope.
‎-太棒了 ‎-很好 - That is the smart choice, always. - That's amazing.
对你们有好处 Good for you guys.
‎对,不邀请家人,不过 Yeah, no family, but, um,
‎你们救了我一命 I owe you guys my life.
‎你们两个没事就好了 Oh, we're just happy you're both okay.
‎老实说,谢谢你们给了我们一场... And really, honestly, thank you for giving us an adventure...
‎-对 ‎ Yes.
-...永生难忘的冒险 ...we are never going to forget.
‎-对 ‎-看来扯平了,再见 - Oh. - Yep.
‎再见 - I guess we're even then. Peace out. - Peace out!
‎-拜拜 ‎-再会 - Bye-bye. - Au revoir! Sorry about your sister being a psycho, by the way.
‎对了,很遗憾你妹妹是神经病
‎别管她,她是人渣 Ah, don't worry about it. She's a real piece of shit.
‎-没错 ‎-对 - Yes, she was. - Yeah.
‎-好 ‎-老公,我准备要回家了 - Okay. - Honey, I'm really ready to go home.
‎-我也是 ‎-我好想回家 - Yes, I am too. - I'm really ready.
‎我们要先做一件事 We have to do one thing first.
‎-相信我 ‎-什么?好吧 - Trust me. Trust me. All right? - What? Okay. Okay. Okay.
‎-去看看上校 ‎-好 - Check on the Colonel.
‎-你还好吗? ‎-上校 You okay? - Colonel!
‎你不会失去这只手臂? You're not losing this arm?
‎扣住,完成了 Click it. Click it. We did it.
‎现在我们一辈子都要锁在一起了 Now we are forever locked up together for the rest of our lives.
‎我只想跟你锁在一起 I'd never wanna be locked up with anybody else.
‎我也是,老婆‎你是... Me neither, sweetheart. You are--
‎屎渍。 -什么? - The Shitz! - What?
‎尼克和奥黛丽屎渍 Nick and Audrey Shitz!
‎-开直升机的?搞什... ‎-你在这里干嘛? - The helicopter guy? What the-- - What are you doing here?
‎接电话 Take it. Take the phone!
‎喂? Hello?
‎我们当然没有扯平 ‎搭我的直升机,想去哪就去哪 Of course we're not even. Take my helicopter!
‎你们需要好好度一次蜜月 ‎还有一点现金 Go anywhere! Have a honeymoon you deserve! And a little cash!
‎-什么? ‎-现金? - What? - Cash? A bag of--
‎-一袋... ‎-真的吗? - Are you for real?
‎天啊,你看 ‎-我的天... - Oh my gosh. Look! Oh my-- - Well, yeah.
-对,这些钱应该够了,谢谢 That seems to be enough money. Thank you.
‎只有1千万美元,别一次花光 Just ten million! Don't spend it all in one place!
‎如果花光光 But if you do spend it all,
就把包包卖掉 just sell the briefcase.
‎那值3百万美元 It's worth three million!
‎是恐龙皮 - It's dinosaur leather! - My God!
‎-天啊 ‎-恐龙?我们不能收,拜托 Dinosaur? We can't take this! Come on!
‎好吧,我们收下,谢谢 You know what? We will take this. Thank you.
‎你们两个继续手淫足蹈,王公告辞! Now you two keep busting nuts! Maharajah out!
‎-你想做的第一件事是什么? What's the first thing you wanna do?
-我想亲你 - I wanna kiss you! - Ah!
‎真不敢相信 I can't believe this!
‎-我的宝贝 ‎-亲爱的 - My baby. - My darling.
‎迟来的豪华蜜月 The honeymoon we always deserved.
‎没错 - Exactly. - Finally.
‎终于实现 Mm-hmm.
‎你能相信我们有多幸运吗? Can you believe how lucky we are?
‎酒好喝吗? [American accent] You liking those drinks?
‎-什么? ‎-你在开玩笑吗? - What-- - Are you shitz-ing us right now?
‎包包给我 Hand me the bag.
‎什么?那个... What? The, uh--
‎-包包,包包给我 ‎-你要这个? - Bag. Hand me the bag. - You want this?
‎-没问题 ‎-包包给他 - That's not a problem. - Give him the bag.
‎你的口音到哪去了? What happened to the accent?
‎回泽西了 It's back in Jersey.
‎我们好好谈谈 Let's just have a civilized conversation.
‎再也不见,屎蛋! [pilot] See you never, Shitzes!
‎-天啊!他... ‎-我的妈呀! - Oh my God! Where did he-- - Oh my God! Oh-- Oh my--
♪ Take me away, I'm gonna find you ♪
♪ 'Cause nobody else could ever mind you Ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Take me away, I'm gonna find you ♪
♪ Can you feel this? ♪
♪ I can feel it for you tomorrow ♪
♪ It's all in, baby ♪
♪ Looks all hazy ♪
♪ So I've gone crazy ♪
♪ Take me away, I'm gonna find you ♪
♪ 'Cause nobody else could ever mind you Ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Take me away, I'm gonna find you ♪
♪ Through, through this ♪
♪ Right while I was writing my own song ♪
♪ Raise your eyes and glass ♪
♪ Take me away, I'm gonna find you ♪
♪ 'Cause nobody else could ever mind you Ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Take me away ♪